RAM JAM! FOOTBALL, CHOOCH IS RICH, A BIG ASS CAKE. And a song.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Peton Manning and the Colts are headed to Super Bowl 44 in Miami. There they will meet the New Orleans Saints, who barely edged the Vikings in OT last night. The Jets and the Vikings go home losers. In the aftermath, Brett Favre's legacy has been called into question. Also, some Vikings fans (as losing fans always do) feel they got robbed. Here's the thing: You can't be robbed if you fumble the ball 6 times in 4 quarters of football. Also, your coach completely screwed you on the last drive. I agree that there were some shady calls, but truth is you never should have let it come down to that. You can't recover a muffed punt in the red zone and fail to score. That's not championship football.

The Phillies reward starting catcher Carlos Ruiz with a 3 year, $9 million extension. That puts an end to all players eligible for arbirtation. We got Big Joe, Victorino and Chooch all locked down for the forseeable future. Good news, right? Maybe not for fan favorite Jayson Werth.


Jimmie Rollins got married. And they ate a huge friggin' cake. That's 6 feet of sugar, ladies.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Russian computer hackers cause a traffic jam by streaming hard core porn on a Moscow billboard.

SONG LYRICS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "I put a dollar in my pocket and I threw it away, been a long time since a federal dime made a jukebox sound like a mirror in my mind."

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like POOP PRANK or SEX POSITION: Today's product is The Jiffy Steamer!

SONG FOR THE DAY: