Saturday, August 29, 2009

Saturday Snapshots: The Big Piece, The Red Zone, and The Greatest Freakout Ever


This time last year Brad Lidge was perfect, converting 32 straight save opportunities. And Cole Hamels was 11 - 8. But how was the team doing? On this date last year, the Phils had lost three straight (one to the Mets and two the sCrUBs) and were 2 games behind the Mets in the NL East. Relive the misery here. This year we're 22 games over .500 with an 8 game lead over Florida and Atlanta, who are tied for second. We're only a 1/2 game back of the Dodgers for the best record in the National League. So people can worry about Lidge and Hamels all they want, but the reality is we have a nasty team and there's an entire month of regular season ball left. They'll get themselves right for October. So quit whining. Go to dollar dog night and enjoy yourself.

Speaking of Lidge. . .The Phils struggling closer showed up to the park last night sporting a sweet new haircut, which he thinks will inspire him to pitch better. Looks like the buzzcut helped, too, as Lidge pitched a perfect ninth inning, earning his 26th save in the Phils 4-2 victory over Atlanta.

Maybe Raul Ibanez needs a haircut, too. Ibanez has just 9 hits in his last 61 at-bats and only 1 HR in his last 96 at-bats. This is a guy who started off the season by hitting 20 HRs in 56 games - the fastest a Philadelphia player has ever reached the 20HR mark.

Ryan Howard is "The Big Piece". I hadn't heard this, but I think it's kind of funny. Read the Jim Salisbury article online at Philly.com. And indeed Howard is doing all he can to keep this team atop the NL East. He's batting .339 with 11 HRs and 29 RBIs in his last 15 games.

The Eagles preseason victory over the Jags was misleading at best, as both the offense and the defense failed to fire on all cylinders. Of course the big story was Michael Vick, but to focus on his performance - completed 4 of 4 passes for a total of 19 yards - would be a waste of time. Yeah, he played and everyone including myself was excited to see what he could do, but his presence wasn't enough to right the O's miscues, fumbleities and overall flacid red-zone performance.

The Red Zone was a huge problem for the Eagles last year, and Thursday's game against the Jags didn't indicate things would get better any time soon. In their first three red zone possessions, the starters went FG, fumble (recovered for TD), and FG. That just flat out sucks. All last year we had to suffer and watch the Eagles lose close games that they should have won if they could just score actual TDs inside the 20 yard line. Anyone remember the Bears game last year? If not, refresh your memory. I was there, and I never want to witness anything so limp-dicked again. In 2008, the Eagles went 9 - 6 -1, and in those 6 losses they only lost one game by more than a TD. If you take out that horrible Ravens game, the Eagles lost, on average, by 5.2 points. Those are games we could've should've won if we had any success in the friggin red zone. I love David Akers, but if I have to watch him kick field goals from the 12 yard line all season, I'm gonna cut my eyeballs out.

Todd Herremanns, who could be a huge help moving the line in the red zone, had to undergo foot surgery yesterday. I really hope he gets healthy soon and that the O-Line will actually play together as a complete unit before, hmm, week 6?!? Is that too much to ask?

Amid all that, McNabb looked pretty sharp for the most part. His numbers are impressive for three quarters of play - 21/36, 244 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.

Did I mention the Eagles suck in the red zone? Let me reiterate how badly they suck in the red zone. I don't want anyone to read this any walk away without fully comprehending how much of a problem the red zone is for the eagles. As reported in The Morning Call: The Eagles ranked 22nd in the league inside the 20 last season. And so far this preseason, they went 3 of 8 against the Jags, 0 for 2 against Indy, and 2 for 5 against New England. To sum it up, the Eagles need an answer for the Red Zone. Is the answer Mike Vick? Maybe. Is it Brent Celek or LeSean McCoy? I hope so. Is it Tony Curtis? Definitely not.

In other news. . .

I found a great site called Lamebook that you should all check out. Basically it just highlights all the idiots on facebook. Try and find the post for "Fun Day", but, be warned, it's only for the brave of heart.

And last but not least, check out Deadspin's NFL preview of the Packers. If you can't laugh at this there's something wrong with you.

Oh and here's a video you will enjoy:

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

335 Pounds of Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal


Shawn Andrews is giddy. Stacy Andrews is "glappy". And all Eagles fans should be terrified. Say goodbye to Runyan and Tra; Say hello to crazy town.

First there's Shawn, the "Big Kid" with the orange "Brohawk". He missed all of last summer's training camp while battling depression, sat out most of the regular season after undergoing back surgery and has yet to practice this season because of back pain. He hasn't played a down of football since September 15th, 2008 (that horrible 37-41 loss to the Cowboys) and yet the Eagles, in an effort to make him more comfortable, went out this offseason and picked up both his brother and his college roommate to join him on the Eagles new O-Line. And what did Shawn Andrews do? He posted youtube videos of himself rapping in his basement. Check out this masterpiece called "Get Your Michael Phelps On".





And of course there's this one, where he refers to himself as as "335 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal". I have to admit that Andrews is entertaining in Clinton Portis kind of way.





One doesn't want to mock someone who really may be mentally ill, and Andrews has been very public about his bout with depression. Some armchair psychiatrists have made the argument that his recent flamboyance is a byproduct of prescription medications gone awry. And if that's the case, he should get all the help he needs. But if he's just being weird for weirdness sake, the Eagles should set his ass loose and go find someone else to protect McNabb. If you're injured, you're injured. You do your rehab work and you shut your mouth until you're ready to play again. You don't go around drawing attention to how crazy you are, and, oh yeah, that you haven't played football in forever.

And then you've got Stacy Andrews, who has recently coined the term "Glappy", a mixture of glad and happy. I'll give him a pass, though, because he was talking about playing alongside his brother, and if that happens in time for the season opener at Carolina, I'll be glappy as well. I'll be the glappiest guy in London. Because when Shawn Andrews is healthy, he's a pro-bowler. And you need pro-bowlers to win championships. Jason Peter is a pro-bowl caliber player as well, so that makes me double glappy.

We just need them healthy. And preferably sane. If that happens, then whole team get their Michael Phelps on.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Little Leaguer Wants to Hurt People

Check out this video of a little league pitcher asking his coach if he can peg the next batter.



Now, read the following two articles. One from Stupid Sports Blog and one from Deadspin. I agree with the Deadspin writer, who says (bluntly), "...it's hard not to sympathize with a 12-year-old who just messed up the biggest moment of his life in front of a national TV audience. Sometimes sportsmanship can go take a fucking hike."

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

The Hostile Loner:

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Cliff Lee is The Comparison King


Cliff Lee is off to an unbelievable start in the NL. Since joining the Phillies, he's gone 5-0 with 39Ks and a 0.68 ERA. And he's only walked 6 batters. Those are the kinds of numbers that make stat geeks get all hot bothered, and when they're done wiping the drool off their lips, they feel the need to somehow put Lee's numbers in perspective. And so begin the comparisons. . .

But comparisons are nothing new to Beast Lee. Even before he was traded to Philly, 99.9% of fans calling into 610WIP said they would rather have Roy Halladay. As far as they were concerned, Lee was merely a runner-up to the grand prize Halladay. I was one of those fans, and I'm happy to admit I was an idiot.

And then he was a Philly. He won 4 straight games and the comparisons to Sabathia started popping up. It makes sense, as the two aces have a lot in common. Both Cy Young winners, both former Cleveland Indians, both traded to NL teams, both start 4-0, etc, etc.

And then Lee won his fifth game. Now he's drawing comparisons to the greatest Lefty to ever pitch in the city of brotherly love. Check out this article by Rich Hoffman. If nothing else, all of this proves that Lee is a premier pitcher, and that Philly fans should sing his praises - because he won't sing his own. The ever humble Lee had this to say about his fifth win: :"It was already an unbelievable team before I got here. That's made it easy for me." Now that's a class act.

Eagles Sign TE Tony Curtis


Did the Eagles really sign an already injured TE to compete for the spot left vacant by Cornelius Ingram? You bet they did. Check out the article here.

One has to wonder what the Eagles can really expect to get out of Curtis. Since entering the NFL in 2005, he only has 11 career receptions for a total of 50 yards.

Interesting fact: In the 2007 season, Curtis only caught 3 passes, all of them touchdowns . One of those TDs was a 1 yard pass from Romo in the Cowboys 38 - 17 manhandling of the Eagles at the Linc.


Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday Funday

PHILLIES

Eric Bruntlett snagged a piece of glory yesterday by becoming only the 2nd player in MLB history to turn a game-ending, unassisted triple play. Here's the play:



With the triple play, Bruntlett saved the game for struggling closer, Brad Lidge. Had that ball gotten through the infield, Lidge would have eaten his 9th blown save. As it stands, though, Lidge earned his 25th save and the Phillies are now 6.5 games ahead of 2nd place Atlanta.

Cliff Lee will go for his 5th straight win in the NL tonight, as he takes the mound against Bobby Parnell in the series finale against the Mets. Cliff Lee is a Cy Young winner. Parnell is a relief pitcher. My money is on Lee.

Jayson Werth killed me in fantasy baseball last week. Look at his stats -- Runs (7), HR (5), RBI (9), TB (29), AVG (.440). Those are video game stats, courtesy of the Mets and Diamondbacks. He's hit more HRs in the last 30 days than he hit during the entire 2007 season. One has to wonder if the Phils will be able to keep him around in 2010. Read about the outfield problem in a good articled at The Good Phight.

EAGLES
The Eagles failed to impress anyone in their 2nd straight preseason loss, a 23 - 15 drumming handed down by Peyton Manning and the Colts. Everyone, including the coach and QB, are concerned about injuries to key players such as Westbrook, Leonard Weaver, and, oh yeah, the entire offensive line. But as Bob Brookover writes, it isn't time to panic just yet.

Michael Vick will probably be under center for some snaps against the Jags on Thursday. So obviously he's making progress on the field. But what about off the field? If we're to believe Jeffery Lurie, Vick's place on the roster is contingent upon his role in the community, particularly with regards to working in partnership with the human society. So far nothing of the sort has happened. However, meetings are planned to take place today at the NovaCare complex. Vick will not attend the meeting, though that decision wasn't his. Sal Paolantino explains in this article at ESPN.

OTHER NFL NOTES
Brett Favre made his first appearance as a Viking in a preseason matchup against the Chiefs. Favre went 1-4 for with 4 yards passing. I've always been a Favre apologist, but this time around it's really hard to stomach. Why can't all hall-of-fame-caliber athletes go out like Mike Schmidt? Prepare a speech, give as much of it as you can, and then retire. For good. You didn't see Michael Jack try to make a comeback with Mets, did you? No, beacuse Mike Schmidt isn't an idiot.



Jay Cutler had a stellar performance against the Giants on Saturday night. The Bears new QB completed 8 of 13 passes for 121 yards and a TD. If Cutler can keep his head together, and if Orlando Pace doesn't fall apart after 5 games, Chicago could be a tough team to beat this year. Matt Forte is a monster.

Brandon Marshall wants out of Denver. Meanwhile, Kyle Orton did his best to assure Denver fans he doesn't totally suck. After throwing three picks in three straight series last week against San Fran, Orton responded adequately against the Seahwaks. He completed 18 of 26 passes for 182 yards and a TD. He also threw an interception. Expect some fireworks next week when Jay Cutler and the Bears come to Denver next week.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

Spotted outside the Supermarket on our High Street. He appears to be counting his change in hopes that there's enough there to purchase a sugary Cadbury bar!


Giant 6 Year Old Report Card
Accessories: An actual adult pair of sunglasses (stolen from Dad)
Outfit: The "Husky Bully"look: Matching oversized shirt and short set. Colors are bright white to accentuate the appearance of grass stains (which are earned by giving noogies to nerds in the park).
Haircut: Self-shaved head
Posture: Quasimodo slouch
Final Grade: B


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

Today's Giant 6 year old was spotted in the train station near our house. I had to be careful when taking this one's photo, as he looked lost and confused (which is a recipe for a nasty tantrum).



Giant 6 Year Old Report Card
Accessories: Funny backpack (can bee seen on the ground in front of him). What you can't see are the buttons featuring SpongeBob, Captain Kirk and Lindsay Lohan.
Outfit: Gym-uniform-chique: T-shirt tucked into short-shorts. Sneakers with long laces double-knotted.
Haircut: The Angry Roman
Posture: Defiant sulk (usually seen when child is sentenced to five minutes in the time-out corner).
Final Grade: A+


Saturday Snapshots: True Blood, Massholes and More

A quick list of all things that are a.) relevant to Philly sports; or b.) irrelevant to Philly sports.

Billy Wagner is claimed off waivers by the Red Sox. Ken Rosenthal reports in full at Fox Sports. Rosenthal's post is clear and informative, though it's a bit too unbiased. What Rosenthal should have said was, "Billy Wagner Claimed by Massholes".

Quinten Mikell wins this week's "Captain Obvious" award. In an interview about the Eagles preseason embarrassment in Indy, Mikell said, "I think we need to just get back to basics". By basics, Mikell means not allowing a team's #1 receiver to run 76 yards completey untouched. Let's hope Ellis Hobbs figures this defense out.

After learning of Plaxico's 2-year prison sentence, his Giants teammates were "Surprised and Saddened", claiming his celebrity worked against him and that the cops would have looked the other way if Plax were just regular everyday normal guy (see video below). Are the Giants players actually suggesting that ordinary civilians get preferential treatment from law enforcement officers? If so, every player on the roster deserves to have his testicles removed by force.
Link


Cole Hamels continues to struggle on the mound for the Phillies. In last night's loss to the Mets, Hamels gave up 10 hits and 4 runs in just 5 innings of sub-par slinging. As noted on The Good Phight, Hamels last won on July 28, against the Diamondbacks; since then, he's gone 5.0, 5.1, 6.0, and 5.0 innings, and the team has lost all four games. I'm not worried about the Kid Cole, though. He's a World Series MVP with nasty junk and a super hot wife. He's bound to pull it all together.

True Blood has reached London and my wife is obsessed. I watch the show online with her, and while she tries to decide who she likes better - Sam or Bill or Eric - I can't help but to wonder which southern freakshow would be best on the Eagles. Immediatley eliminate Sam, as he lacks superhuman speed and couldn't shape-shift while wearing pads (nobody wants to see a nude guy on the gridiron). Then eliminate Bill because he is too short and has an awkard haircut. He is also whipped by Sookie and probably wouldn't be able to focus in team meetings. Jason Stackhouse is a good natural athlete, but again he lacks superhuman speed. Sookie could actually be useful in a cheat-like-the-patriots kind of way, but she isn't violent enough. This leaves Eric, the viking vampire who always wears a lame tank top. Attire aside, Eric would be perfect in the Eagles secondary. He's freakishly fast and won't get beat by Larry Fitzgerald. He's above average height and has an amazing 60-foot vertical jump. Most importantly, though, he loves to dominate people. Eric is the winner.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Vick's Brother Gets 20 Days in Jail


Michael Vick's less talented younger brother, Marcus, failed to meet the requirements of his probation and was sentenced to 20 days in jail (Read the story here). Nobody seems to care, though, because he isn't as good at football as his older brother.


Other highlights from Marcus Vick's completely unremarkable career include:

- Swamp stomping Elvis Dumervil in the Gator Bowl

- flipping the middle finger to fans at WVU

- a statutory rape trial

- expulsion from Virgina Tech

- claiming he was a better QB than Leinart and Cutler and then. . .

- not getting drafted in the 2006 draft

- brief stint on the Dolphins practice squad followed by. . .

- recognition of total failure


Giant 6 Year Olds

We're introducing a new daily post at Philthy Pride called "Today's Giant 6 Year Old". Living in London, I don't get to watch all the sports I want to (most Phillies games aren't on until 1am), so, as a means of passing the time, I've started taking photos of grown men who look like children. I find these men to be hilarious. Some of them actually resemble children, and others just dress like 2nd graders. Either way, it's hysterical.

Three quick facts to help you find a Giant 6 Year Old in your neighborhood:
- They can usually be found at train-stations or in line at the supermarket
- They often wear funny accessories, like woven belts, magoo glasses, and/or tiny backpacks
- They don't move their arms when they walk

Now to the good stuff. .

Here's "Today's Giant 6 Year Old"

Today's giant 6 year old was spotted in SoHo. The image is a little blurry because I had to snap the photo while riding by on my bike.

Giant 6 Year Old Report Card

Accessories: Hysterical backpack; oversized belt double-wrapped and tucked into back pocket; Funny white sneakers
Outfit: Short sleeved button down tucked into too-tight Khakis
Haircut: Styled like Millhouse from the Simpsons
Posture: Holding in a number 2

Final Grade: A-

Ocho Cinco: Kicks Field Goals, Loves Eagles


Remember how everyone was gossipmongering about the Eagles making a bid for Chad Ocho Cinco? If not, refresh your memory here. Maybe if we knew he was a 5 tool football stud (1. Speed, 2. Cool Haircut, 3. Sweet Nickname, 4. Gold teeth, 5. Kicking ability), we may have actually signed him. I couldn't believe it when I saw the video. He can actually kick. See for yourself in this video from NFL.com.


But oh well, Chad Ocho Cinco has to admire the Eagles from afar. And admire he does. Just check out his comment on Twitter.


Chad Ocho Cinco, we know you love our team, but the feeling isn't mutual. We love you in a different kind of way. We love you in the way people like watching old men get kicked in the balls. It's amusing as long as it doesn't directly affect us. So keep being crazy...somewhere else.


SWEEP - Blanton Beats 'Backs then Gets Licked by Girl

Big Joe pitched 8 innings, striking out 4 batters and surrendering only 3 earned runs in the Phillies' dismantling of the D-Backs last night. Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth and Carlos Ruiz each hit home runs, and the Phillies capped off their 3 game SWEEP of Arizona with a brutal 12 - 3 beatdown at Citizens Bank Park. For the series, the Phils outscored the D-Backs 25-5. Thanks for playing, Arizona. Now crawl back to the barren wasteland from whence you came.


Big Joe was glad to have some run support (read good article here). After the game, Big Joe celebrated by letting female fans lick his face:



Next up, the Phils take on the Mets in NY. The series begins with the Kid Cole (7-7) taking on Mike Pelfrey (8-8). The last Hamels / Pelfrey matchup was a 5-4 extra inning victory for the Phillies. Pelfrey actually outpitched Hamels in that game, but he ended up earning a no-decision as the Mets bullpen characteristically imploded and surrendered the lead.

Other notable moment from that game: Chase Utley, who hit two HRs in the 11 inning come-from-behind win, skillfully pissed off Pelfrey by calling timeout during an at bat. When question about the incident, Pelfrey said: "I was ready to make a pitch and he called timeout. I got upset and told him to get in the box. I don’t even know the guy. I was just trying to compete and execute a pitch. I got caught up in the moment. I probably shouldn’t have said anything." Poor baby. I hope Chase hits another 2 tonight.

My prediction: Phillies tear it up and get their second straight sweep.



Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Redskins Suck

Great article from Deadspin explaining why the Redskins suck. And, having lived in DC for one VERY long year, I can agree with most of what the writer says. In fact, this article is more of an attack on DC than it is on the Redskins, which is okay with me because DC is nothing more than a bombed out ghetto freckled with a few pockets of extreme wealth, where guys like this A-hole drink Michelob Ultra and argue about whose collar is popped better.


DC doesn't deserve A-List athletes like Jason Campbell and Chris Cooley. Those guys should be Eagles. We could run a 3 QB wildcat with 2 tight ends. Think big, Andy. Go big or go home, right?






CLIFF LEE IS THE DAY MAN, FIGHTER OF THE NIGHT MAN

Cliff Lee is a stone cold killer. Last night he handcuffed the Diamondbacks, allowing only 2 hits and racking up a career-best 11 strikeouts over 9 innings of jaw-dropping nastiness. The message to the National League is clear: Respect the Beast!

And stop comparing him to C.C. Sabathia. Yes, there are similarities: Both won the Cy Young award with the Cleveland Indians, only to be traded away to NL teams the following year. Both started 4 - 0 with their respective NL teams. And both are left handed. But that's where the comparisons stop. The question of whether Lee will be as good as Sabathia in the NL is a stupid one. And the answer's easy: Yes. And, actually, he's outperforming Sabathia. Look at the numbers through four games:


Both are rad to the power of sick, but Lee is a just little bit sicker. Plus, Sabathia looks like a warthog in a baseball uniform:


This in no way means Sabathia isn't one of the baddest badasses toeing the bump in MLB. He we was lights out for Milwaukee last year (11 wins, 2 losses, 1.65 ERA, 7 complete games, 3 shut outs and 128 K's). It just means that Lee is better through his first four games. And so you know, Sabathia earned a no decision in his fifth start for the Brewers, a 6-4 loss to the Cubbies.

And the real reason we don't want to compare Lee to Sabathia is that Sabathia wasn't able to get it done in the postseason. Remember when he gave up 5 runs to the Phils in the 2nd inning of game 2 in the NLDS last year? Oooooo yeah. Let's hope Lee does better than that.

All this to say, Cliff Lee is a Philly hero so far. He is the Day Man, fighter of the Night Man, champion of the sun, master of karate and friendship...for everyone!


ROCKY FAN GOES BANANAS IN LONDON

Rocky Balboa is an international superhero whose awesomness brought us the greatest training montage in cinematic history. Other highlights on his resume include:
  • Single-handedly winning the Cold War for the U.S.
  • Multiple sweaty hugs with Carl Weathers
  • Handing Mr. T. the only beatdown he's ever received

But nobody, not even Sly Stallone, could predict Rocky's influence would reach beyond mere humans. But it has. Check out the video below, as Fergus the gorilla replicates the infamous "Flying High Now" montage in London, England:




I wonder if Fergus will head to the rocky shores along the English coast to film the montage from Rocky III. He'll need a sweet yellow tanktop:

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

LARRY KING IS A TURD

I just saw THIS ARTICLE on the 700Level and it confirmed my suspicion that Larry King is a total turd. Larry King hates Eagles fans. He thinks we would boo a cure for cancer.

Larry King is just another media tool talking out of his ass without actually knowing anything about Philly fans. Yes, we have a reputation for being tough on our athletes, but if I have to listen to another comment like, "The Eagles fans booed Santa Clause", I might throw up on my shoes. That was about a million years ago and has nothing to do with the current state of affairs.

Wait, before I exonerate us completely. . .

The worst incident I can actually remember witnessing was at an Eagles/Giants game. This was back at the Vet when they had all the port-a-pottys. Some loudmouth in a Tiki Barber jersey went to drain himself and some rowdy fans tipped the port-a-potty. Needless? Yes. Hostile? Yes. Funny? Hell yes.

But again, that was before Lincoln Financial Field came along, before the Eagles became a preeminent contender year in and year out. And as the team matured into a nationally recognized powerhouse among NFL franchises, the fans matured as well. Meanwhile, dudes in Chicago are chucking beer on Shane Victorino:


And that's "The Friendly Confines"? Gimme a break.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Chicago (lived there for 5 years and went to about 30 games at Wrigley) but I think it's clear that the North Siders' century-long champion-less streak has Cubs fans teetering on the edge of sanity. . .

Anyway, I think more people should give Larry King the Jerry Seinfeld treatment:


GET NAILED: LENNY DYKSTRA LOSES EVERYTHING

Lenny Dykstra filed for bankruptcy on July 7th, bringing a close to his brief stint as a financial guru.


After retiring from baseball, Nails went on to make a ton of money. He invested in a SoCal car wash chain that he later sold for millions, bought a mansion once owned by Wayne Gretzky, launched a glossy investing mag for pro athletes called The Players Club, and was featured on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel for his savvy business strategies. Dykstra even earned praise from long-time Phillies fan/wall street pundit Jim Cramer:




But then it all went to hell. You can read all the details in this article at The Smoking Gun.

I love Lenny Dykstra. I love that he beat the crap out of Rick Dempsey at home plate. I love that he batted .400 all the way into June in '91. I love that he always had a giant wad of tobacco in the corner of his mouth, and that he spit so much that he permanently stained the turf in centerfield at the Vet.

But a financial wizard? I had my doubts. This video in particular had me guessing. To this day, I still don't know what it's promoting:




Nevertheless, I wish the best for Nails. Hopefully he can pull himself out of this and come back to entertain the general public in some other way. I'd love to hear him in the booth, actually, but I doubt he'd be able to tone down the language for national broadcasts. But you never know with Dysktra, because he lives by the motto of the '93 Phils - Whatever It Takes Dude!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Pete Incaviglia: Forgotten Phillies

For every Ryan Howard, there’s a Ricky Jordan. And at Philthy Pride, we want to remember those players who -- for whatever reason -- seem to have slipped through the cracks of our collective sporting memory. And who better to start with than Pete Incavigilia, the greasy mulleted slugger we all knew and loved as “Inky”?





Inky probably isn’t the first name that comes to mind when you think of the infamous ’93 Phillies. Like most people, you probably conjure up the likes of Kruk, Daulton, Dykstra and The Wild Thing. You might even think of Mickey Morandini, the duck-faced speedster 2nd Baseman who hit 9 triples that season.





Or you might think of Dave Hollins, the box jawed 3rd baseman who – if it weren’t for Dutch – would have led the team in RBIs (93) and, sadly, strike outs (109) . At best, Inky is one of those “oh yeah, him!” guys that you only remember when you’re discussing the top 10 funniest Phillies haircuts or fattest outfielders ever.

But Inky was the man.

The legend of Incaviglia began at OSU with the young slugger’s amazing college career. He had the most impressive offensive year in NCAA history as a junior in 1985 when he set NCAA single-season records for home runs (48), RBI (143), total bases (285) and slugging percentage (.915) all of which still stands today. In addition he set the NCAA career records for home runs (100) and slugging percentage (.915). In 1999, Baseball America named Inky “College Baseball’s Player of the Century”. GLORY!

Inky was drafted by the Expos in ’86 and blatantly refused to play minor league baseball. The Expos traded him to Texas, where Inky went on to hit 30 HRs (10th best in the league). As a result of the Expos trading Incaviglia immediately after signing him, MLB instituted the “Pete Incaviglia Rule”, whereby a team cannot trade a drafted player until he has been under contract to the club for at least one year. Again, GLORY!

Inky arrived in Philly in ’93, just in time for one of the greatest baseball seasons in Philadelphia history. And he did his part to help the team, cracking a team-leading 24 HRs in just 369 appearances at the plate. Darren Daulton hit 24 HRs as well, but he had 510 At-Bats. Inky posted a decent .274 average (5th best on the team) while amassing 89 RBI’s (3rd highest on team, behind Dutch and Hollins.

But he sucked in the postseason. In the NLCS against the Braves, Inky batted .167, going 2 for 12 with 1 solo HR and 3 strike outs. In the World Series, he batted just .143, going 1 for 7 and striking out 4 times as the Phillies lost to Blue Jays. Who could forget the image of Joe Carter trotting the bases. . .still makes me sick. . .





Other notable facts about Inky:
He led the league in strike outs in both 1986 and 1988, and he struck out a total of 1,277 times in his career. Ouch. Despite those numbers, he finished his career in 1998 with 206 HRs, 655 RBIs, and a .246 batting average.

Wonder where he is now? Inky is the Field Manager for the Grand Prairie AirHogs, part of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball. His nephew, Thomas, is a rookie LHP on the team.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Billy Wagner's a Rat


I'm surprised at the number Phillies "fans" who are making the case to bring back one of the toothiest rats in recent Phil's history - Billy Wagner, the hard-throwing hillbilly who in 2005 famously blasted his Philly teamates, claiming they were more worried about how their hair looked than they were about winning games (an obvious shot at Pat Burrell). He also said the Phillies "ain't got a chance" of making the playoffs and criticized his teammates for not having enough intensity, saying they quit when they got behind.

But the joke was on Billy, who in 2006 signed with the cockroaches up the road, The New York Mets. He was so excited to be in bagel town, he allowed this ridiculous photo to be taken of himself:


What a turd.

But what's funnier is that after saying the Phils quit when they were behind, the Mets decided to quit while they were ahead. And not once, but twice!

In 2007 the NY Mets led the NL East by 7 games with only 17 games left to play, but they imploded and suffered the worst collapse in MLB history. They went 5 - 12 down the stretch, sacrificing the division title to our beloved Philadelphia Phillies.

And then in 2008 they choked all over again. The were ahead by 3.5 games with 17 to go, and this time they went 7 - 10 down the stretch. We all know what happened next - the Phightins reaped the benefits, advancing to the playoffs and winning the October Classic. Here's a little reminder:




Who's the guy in the middle of that celebration?

Oh yeah, Phillies closer Brad Lidge. The guy who converted 48 of 48 saves in 2008. He's the same guy who this year is struggling with a league leading 8 blown saves. He's the guy who every time he turns on the radio has to listen to people - when they're not screaming into the phone about Mike Vick - say he's lost his edge and that the Phils should go out and get George Sherril, or maybe we should give Tyler Walker a shot. And he has to read articles like THIS (which is actually pretty funny). But worst of all, he now has to listen to his fans - the same fans who ran Billy Wagner out of town in a flaming wheelbarrow - call in to 610 WIP and say "Hey, maybe we should get Wagner from the Mets."

Anyone who thinks Wagner deserves a spot on the Phillies is insane. So what if he's a lefty and can throw 100mph fastballs? He's a scumbag. I'd rather have old-man Moyer lobbing lollipops in the 9th. And we've got Romero coming back soon too, so there's your hard throwing lefty.

Lidge will bounce back. He's a fixture in a good clubhouse and, as long as he's not injured, Charlie Manuel will use some weird West Virginian way of remedying the situation. Most importantly, though, the Phillies aren't the '07 Mets. They won't blow the lead. And now that that we know we can actually win championships in Philadelphia, Philly fans shouldn't expect them to. The curse is over. Let's enjoy it.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Silent Dance: Flashback to the 2004 NFC Championship Game

I saw footage of McNabb and Vick at pracice together yesterday, and it got me thinking about the last time they shared the field in a meaningful way. It was a freezing night in Philadelphia - just 17 degrees at kickoff with winds gusting through The Link at about 35 mph - and the Eeagles were attempting to do something they hadn't done in three prior consecutive title game appearances.: WIN.

Their Super Bowl aspirations had been cut short by the Rams, the Bucs, and the Panthers, and there was a distinct sense of urgency amongst the Philly Faithful to get over the hump and arrive at the big show before, as the broadcasters would tell you, the window of opportunity closed for good.

And even though we'd said "This is the year!" every other year, the 2004 season was different. It really WAS the year. It all began with the city embracing the arrival of Terrel Owens, the freakishly talented receiver who gave McNabb the offensive weapon he'd been dreaming about for years (no disrespect to Pinkston or Greg Lewis).


The McNabb-Ownes combo was deadly. McNabb zoned on his new favorite target, and T.O. grabbed himself 77 receptions for 1200 yards and 14 TDs. To put it in perspective, between the two of them, they scored more passing TDs than the offenses of the Ravens (13), Giants(12) and Chicago Bears (9).

The Eagles defense, led by Weapon-X Brian Dawkins, was equally nasty. They ranked 2nd in sacks (behind Atlanta), 2nd in points per game, 2nd in total points allowed and 3rd in yards per pass attempt. They were big, fast and the blitzed a lot. And they loved the big hit, like the one Dawk put on Crumpler below. For a better view, go to this VIDEO.


The Eagles cruised the regular season with an impressive 13-3 record. Then they abused the Vikings in the playoffs, bringing us to the NFC Championship Game against the Falcons. The game itself would prove meaningful to me in a number of ways, as I'm sure it did for many Eagles fans all over the Delaware Valley.

My brothers and I had been going to Eagles games with my dad since before Zubaz were popular. He'd load one or two or all three of us into the car, and we'd head down to the Vet and sit up in the nosebleed section to watch our beloved birds - more often than not - get blasted by the visiting team. But we did witness greatness in the individual efforts of Reggie White, Randall Cunningham, Jerome Brown, Seth Joyner and so on. More important than all of that, though, was the fact that football was the medium through which we connected with our father. Some dads take their kids fishing, or they teach them how to play the guitar. Our Dad loved football - specifically the Eagles - so his boys learned to love the gridiron as well.

And it wasn't just the spectacle of going to the game that was significant. We were completely consumed by Eagles football, even when they sucked. Dad would drive me to school in the mornings, and every morning we'd listening to 610 WIP and debate ridiculous topics like whether or not Mike Mamula would ever live up to expectation. We ran routes in the backyard, me playing Keith Jackson to his Randall Cunningham. We'd rush home from my Sunday soccer games to catch the end of the game on the TV, but sometimes we'd just sit in the car and listen to Merril Reese call the game on the radio, because, as Dad would tell you, not every city has someone like Merril Reese in the booth. Have a listen HERE.

And of course when my mom had the tumor in her back that the doctors said she may not survive, Eagles football provided us a necessary escape. We had a tradition of doing "The Freak Out Dance" whenever the Eagles scored. The Freak Out Dance basically consisted of me and my brother throwing our arms around like spastic drug addicts and screaming nonsensical words in a uniquely pre-adolescent tongue. It kind of looked like THIS, but not really. Obviously with Mom being sick and needing rest, we couldn't have full on freak outs whenever Herschel Walker found the end zone, so we had to invent something called "The Silent Dance", whereby we could spaz out appropriately, but not in a way that would wake up Mom. The Silent Dance was born from tough circumstances, but Mom made it through all that, and the Silent Dance is still alive and well, though we only invoke it under special circumstances. If you want an idea of what the Silent Dance looks like, check out this little GARGOYLE CHILD (though again, this isn't a perfect example).

So when the Eagles made it to their 4th consecutive NFC championship game in 2004, Dad wanted us to be there. By that time he was a season ticket holder and had 4 seats, so Dad and I drove down to 30th Street Station and met my older brother and his wife who had come down from NY for the game. The four of us piled into the subway train and arrived at Lincoln Financial Field knowing that this team. . .this year. . .they would WIN.

And they did. I won' recap the whole game, but you can see all the highlights HERE. Make note of how badly the Defense abused Vick, our newest teammate, ha ha.

By the end of the night it was freezing and none of us could feel our toes or our fingertips. I had screamed so much it felt like someone had jammed a glass bottle down my throat and then stomped on it. And we looked like circus freaks, like giant green snowmen - wearing our Eagles jerseys on top of our winter coats (me in McNabb, brother in Akers*, sis-in-law in Westbrook, Dad doesn't believe in jerseys, strangely). So we looked and felt terrible, but there was place any of us would rather have been at that moment, because finally, after years of disappointment, my brother and I were able to high-five our Dad and celebrate an actual NFC Championship. As Byron Evans would say, How 'Bout That!

I'm hoping we can actually get together and celebrate a Super Bowl victory sometime soon, but meanwhile I'll just help my brother teach my Godson/Nephew the Silent Dance so that Dad's greatest football invention gets passed on down through the generations.


Saturday, August 15, 2009

Anti-Vicks and Vick-O-Philes

Like it or not, Michael Vick is a Philadelphia Eagle. The 29 year-old former Atlanta superstar – a three time pro-bowler who at one point was the highest paid athlete in the NFL – was convicted in 2006 of dog fighting charges and sentenced to 23 months in federal prison. Vick served 18 months in prison and was held on home arrest for the remainder of his sentence. Under the guidance of future Hall of Fame coach Tony Dungy, Vick was granted partial reinstatement to the NFL by Commissioner Roger Goodell. All he needed was for a team to sign him, and the Eagles did just that – granting Vick a one year deal worth $1.6 million (none guaranteed).

The news broke Thursday night and immediately forced a Liberty-Bell-sized crack right down the center of the Philly faithful, and Eagles fans quickly lined up in one of two equally narrow-minded camps: The Anti-Vicks and The Vick-o-Philes.

But. . . before any real discussion about Michael Vick can take place, one has to consider exactly what he did to deserve federal sentencing.

Michael Vick committed heinous crimes against innocent animals. He tortured dogs so that they would become hyper-violent and kill one another in organized fights. He allowed people to gamble on these forced skirmishes and turned the dogs’ agony into spectacle to satisfy a depraved bloodthirst. Indeed he profited from death. And as if it couldn’t get worse, he tortured any animal deemed unfit for fighting. These helpless, abused dogs were electrocuted, hung, drowned or shot to death. These actions demonstrate both a sickening tolerance of violence and a complete disregard for the sanctity of life itself. None of that is forgotten…not by dog lovers, not by Eagles fans, not by Andy Reid or Jeffery Lurie, not by Tony Dungy, and, most importantly, not by Michael Vick.

At the Eagles press conference earlier today, Vick stated, “I was wrong for what I did. Everything that happened at that point in time in my life was wrong.” He then added, “For the life of me, to this day I can’t understand why I was involved in such pointless activity.” Are these the words of someone who is truly repentant for what he’s done? Or is this just Vick regurgitating lines that Tony Dungy forced down his throat? Skeptics will claim the latter, but that’s an insult to Dungy. Tony Dungy is not a stupid man. He is not one to be easily manipulated. And if he thought for one second that Vick was taking advantage of him in any way, he would cry “Rat” and refuse to perpetrate the charade any further.

But he didn’t do that.

Dungy stuck his neck out on the line for a young man in need of help. The cynics can say what they want, but Dungy has absolutely nothing to gain from Mike Vick, nothing but the satisfaction that he, as he has already claimed, is merely practicing his Christian ideals in his daily affairs. He is carrying a message of hope and forgiveness to a person in need. Faith without works is dead, and Dungy is keeping his faith alive by working with others. It just so happens that this particular “other” is the most vilified athlete of the 21st century. So regardless of your religious inclinations, you have to give props to Tony Dungy for being one of those rare few men who actually lives up to lofty rhetoric and, no matter how difficult it is, attempts to walk the walk.

Dungy’s influence on Vick is readily apparent. Two years ago Vick pulled one of the most moronic moves you could ever imagine - he tested positive for marijuana during his federal trial. Obviously he wasn’t connecting all the dots between action and consequence. But, afer 23 months of forced self-reflection and two months of one-on-ones with Dungy, Vick sounds a little more mature, “I think as long as you are willing to come back and do it the right way and do the right things and that you're committed, then I think you deserve it. But you only get one shot at a second chance, and I am conscious of that.” (Eagles press conference) These aren’t momentous words, but dare I suggest it sounds like the seeds of reform have been planted in his head? Whether or not he acts accordingly has yet to be seen.

And where will this act play out? That’s right. . .in Philadelphia, the blue collar bastion of Brotherly Love, where fans loves their mothers, their cheesesteaks, and, above all, their Philadelphia Eagles.

How are those fans reacting?

Anti-Vicks

The majority seem to be Anti-Vick, claiming Vick is subhuman and doesn’t deserve a place in the NFL. The radio shows on 610 WIP have been blowing up with phone calls by outraged fans who are appalled by the Eagles’ decision to sign the fallen superstar. The main argument is as follows: It’s a privilege to play in the NFL and Michael Vick gave up that privilege when he committed the pre-mediated murder of dogs, not once but continuously over a period of six years. Whether he’s been rehabilitated or not, these people believe Vick should toil in anonymity the rest of life, forever repenting his mistakes as he bags groceries at the local supermarket. When pressed further on the possibility of personal reinvention and second chances, the anti-Vicks are willing to concede a little, but only if he were to play for a different team. . .

They say send him to Cincinnati where 10 players were arrested 11 different incidents in 2006. The say send him to Dallas where they have a history of protecting players like Michael Irving, who once stabbed a teammate in the neck with a pair of scissors, and Adam Jones, who was responsible for the gunshot wound that paralyzed a nightclub bouncer. They say send him to Minnesota, where he can attend team sex parties on cruise ships staffed with prostitutes. The anti-Vicks say Mike Vick belongs with criminals on a criminal team, not with the highly-vaunted Eagles organization.

Ultimately what these fans are saying is that no matter how many urban youth programs Vick leads along with the Humane Society – raising awareness about animal cruelty and the negative consequences of dog fighting – they will always see him as nothing more than a dog killer, and, more importantly, that the Eagles, by signing Mike Vick, are inadvertently condoning animal cruelty. Invoking such a linear argument is lazy, and, because it’s based on emotion, doesn’t actually make sense. Let me illustrate how simplistic that argument actually is:

Josh Hamilton smoked crack. The Texas Rangers signed Josh Hamilton. Therefore the Texas Rangers condone smoking crack.

C’mon Philly, you’re smarter than that.

Vick-O-Philes

All that said, the people lining up in defense of Michael Vick are equally lazy and perhaps even more misguided the anti-Vicks. The Vick-O-Philes call in to 610 WIP and say how happy they are to have Mike Vick in green and black. These fans think only in terms of football, as if Michael Vick’s ability to score TDs somehow nullifies his reprehensible past. They remember a player who was voted to the pro-bowl three times, a player who averaged 8.45 yards per carry (NFL record), and a player that rushed for 1,039 yards in 2006, the most by a QB in a single season in NFL history. These fans see Vick as that one final piece - the final beguiling threat - that will somehow complete the Eagles explosive offensive juggernaut and propel them past the NFC Championship Game to another shot at Super Bowl glory. And yes, if they were to win that Super Bowl, these depraved fans would wipe the slate clean and act as Mike Vick had never so much as petted a dog. That, Eagles fans, is atrocious.

But, and this is a big but, the Vick-O-Philes do NOT seem to realize that Vick hasn’t played football since 2006, and, by his own admission, isn’t in “football shape”. He isn’t actually eligible to play yet and the earliest the Eagles could see him in uniform is week 6 (October 18th).

And once he’s in uniform, where will he play?

Quertarback? Kevin Kolb was injured in training camp, but Andy Reid has already gone on record to say that Vick won’t be playing QB. So where does he fit? He certainly won’t line up at TE and fill in for the injured Cornelius Ingram. He’s not a lineman or a long snapper or linebacker. At best, Vick will join the team midseason as a wildcat threat - a million dollar decoy that Marty and Big Red will utilize to confuse any and all opposing defenses. Point being, Vick offers no immediate gain and yet he brings with him an inordinate amount of baggage. Why invite this lighting rod of controversy into the locker room, especially now, especially this season when you’ve lost two of your most influential leaders – B-Dawk and Jim Johnson – two guys whose absence has left a harrowing void in the Eagles inner-sanctum?

So Why?

It’s impossible to know, really, but I think it comes down to two bottom-line answers, one purely business related and one personal.

The NFL is a business, and players are reminded of that all the time. Eagles players are very aware of it – just look at what happened to Lito, B-Dawk, Trot, Hugh Douglas and Sheldon Brown to name a few. In terms of investments, the Eagles are getting one of the most phenomenal athletic specimens of the last decade for the pro-rated cost of a special teams player. Imagine paying Barry Sanders less than Koy Detmer.

From a personal angle, Andy Reid needs to believe in second chances. His family history demands of it him. And like Dungy, Reid is a religious man who uses his role as an NFL coach as an instrument of ministry. He doesn’t recite bible verses at press conferences, but he holds himself to a standard that he believes reflects his ideal. Whether or not that’s appropriate is another discussion entirely. The simple fact here is that Reid sees the potential good Vick can do for their community of Philadelphia, not as a football player, but as an advocate. Vick has the potential to connect with urban youth in a way that few other players can, as his story is singularly horrific. And if Vick fails to live up to that role as advocate, you can bet your ass the Andy Reid will be the first to kick the villain-athlete back out on the street. Say what you will, but Andy Reid is not a moron, and he certainly doesn’t pull punches.

Get to the point, man. . .

In sum, the Eagles are taking a big risk on Vick. They are inviting an unnecessary maelstrom of negativity on themselves, and they don’t even have a set plan for him yet. There’s no telling how he will contribute to the Eagles offense, or if he’ll even help them win any games. And there’s no telling whether or not he will do his part off the field to rectify his image and make amends, as best he can, for his villainous past. Clearly fans don’t owe him anything; if anything he owes the fans. But what the fans owe themselves is a proper discussion about the Vick situation, because simply dividing into two equally narrow-minded camps is a complete and total cop-out. The Mick Vick conversation forces us to examine the relationship between athletes and crime, the democratic ideal of self-improvement, animal cruelty, activism and the role of religion in sports. But maybe it’s easier not to think about those things, and, sadly, most of us (myself included) don’t.

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