An American in Paris (and London) - During MLB Playoffs

I’m throttling towards Paris at 187mph via Eurostar en route to a two day working session, but my mind is elsewhere. Wandering around outside King’s Cross station this morning – the fat taxis farting gray fumes into the brisk London morning – I couldn’t help but realize that my journey would be pushing me even further away (thousands of miles and a full 6-hour time zone lapse) form what’s undoubtedly going to be a huge day for Philadelphians.

Through the train window the French countryside blinks by in a smattering of green and brown like some rapid-fire presentation of psychotic watercolours. The aesthetic is completely lost on me, at least for today. I’m looking for something I won’t find in France – the ceremonial pomp and fanfare of the MLB playoffs, specifically the Philadelphia version. But none of these people are wearing Ryan Howard jerseys or old-school Phillies caps or “Why Can’t Us?” shirts. There aren’t any tacky Phillies flags waving in the wind outside of these picturesque French cottages. And why would there be? They live in France, where Soccer (pronounced “Football”) is king and cycling is queen. Baseball is about as interesting to a Parisian as Cricket is to a New Yorker, and even if they were fans – they wouldn’t be Phillies fans, would they? No. So the question is, why am I so pissed off?

By all accounts I should be soaking up this international opportunity for all that it’s worth, because, yes, I understand it’s a privilege to work abroad. It truly is a phenomenal, life enriching experience for my wife and I, yadda yadda yadda. . .but all that said. . . missing one baseball game makes me want to kick and scream and throw punches at the bald, moustached man sitting next to me (also, he apparently, doesn’t have the stomach to handle the traditional lamb moussaka that the Eurostar staff provided us – he’s covered in sweat and smells like hot air hissing out of a popped bicycle tire.) Logic tells me, “It’s just one game in a best of five series, Mike”, but logic makes too much sense – standing all cool and disinterested in the face of my emotional hysteria. Logic says, “It’s just a game”, and that’s when Emotion kicks Logic in the teeth.

Just a game? C’mon. It’s never just a game. Epecially not in the playoffs. Epecially not when you’re facing a team that SWEPT you in the exact same series two years ago. Especially not when you’re sending a playoff virgin out to the mound, carrying with him all the hopes and expectations of Philadelphia’s famously insatiable and manically depressed fans. Especially not when your closer – who you love – is suffering some kind of year-long confidence crisis. And especially not when your wife is secretly rooting for the other team. No, it’s never just a game. So what’s happening to me? Why are sports – correction, Philadelphia sports - so damn important to me? When did they shift from enjoyable pastime to psychosis inducing obsession? Theoretically I should be outgrowing sports, leaving childish things to the children. And, yeah, it’s really odd when I have to admit that I still have heroes – and even more odd when I acknowledge that many of those heroes are younger than me. But it’s the truth, I’m growing increasingly more attached to Philadelphia sports as I grow older, and, perhaps more interestingly, as I move farther and farther away from the city itself.

The natural response would be to suggest that clinging to the Phillies, Eagles, Sixers and Flyers allows me to stay connected to the city that reared me. But this is problematic – what level of connection is appropriate? Surely it’s okay to read the beat writers on Philly.com, listen to 610 WIP broadcasts over the internet, and watch highlights on each team’s respective website. But what about paying $500 for an NFL.com season pass and then staying up until 4am to watch Monday Night Football in London? Blogging (remotely) on teams I’m unarguably ill-suited to comment on? Or, more specifically, scheming up ways to ditch my work commitments in Paris just so I can sneak off in hopes of discovering (unlikely as it may be) an American sports bar that’s televising Cliff Lee and the Phightins on a 60-inch HDTV?

If anything, I should be sneaking off to see the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, or maybe to the Trocadero for some crepes and a view of the Eiffel Tower at sunset. But no, my heart (and mind) are displaced – residing somewhere near Broad and Pattison in South Philadelphia (which, I hate to say, is a cultural desert compared to Paris). Admitting this reminds me that I’m a walking contradtiction – that I’m thinking exactly like the stupid, uno-lingual, meathead American that I constantly condemn when surrounded by my more cospmolitan ex-patriot counterparts in the UK.

The way it was explained to me was that Americans living in the UK need to abandon (for the most part) the lives they built before moving abroad – otherwise you’ve got one foot in both worlds, and you can’t move forward with your life when you’re straddling the Atlantic. It’s that whole Orpheous and Hades thing – look over your shoulder and you’ll kill the thing you’ve come for. So...Give up old pastimes for new pastimes. Quit reading American novelists and start reading English ones. Stop watching 30 Rock and start watching East Enders. Stop obsessing about the Phillies and start rooting for Arsenal or Chelsea or Manchester United. Then, and only then, will you feel fully immersed in your new life. Without full immersion, your move abroad was pointless. You should have just gone on a long vacation, taken some photos of Big Ben, eaten some fish and chips and gone the hell home. Why bother disrupting your life if you’re not ready to commit to the changes?

It sounds simple enough in theory, but applying it to one’s real life is more complicated than it seems. First of all, I hate East Enders. Secondly, I simply can’t switch off my Philly fandom and start rooting for another team, much less a whole new sport. When I lived in Chicago, I caught a lot of grief from my friends who were all one of two combinations – Cubs/Bears fans or Sox/Bears fans. These two groups could agree on two things: 1. ) The Bears, and 2.) making fun of Philadelphia sports. I lived in the Windy City for over five years and these guys kept harassing me, citing the example of the Rocky statue as a symbol of our city’s failure to produce to real superstars along the lines of Michael Jordan and Walter Payton. I offered up Dr. J and Mike Schmidt, but apparently they weren’t impressive enough.

More than anything, these guys wanted me to abandon Philly and adopt Chicago, thereby confirming their notion that their teams are superior and that I’m just the sorry victim of growing up in a place where teams always lose and never win. Teams that go the distance, but don’t succeed. These guys were smoking their own drugs and were completely overlooking the fact the Sox were only the team who had won anything of note in the 2000’s. Otherwise, the Cubs, Bears, and Hawks were – if anything – less successful than our Big 4. But this isn’t a Chicago vs Philly blog, this is a “You can’t adopt new teams willy nilly” blog.

The result of all their harassment was that I became even more adamant in my support of Philly sports. Each insult made me look more deeply into our history for stats, players and crazy stories that could defend Philadelphia as the greatest sports town in the United States. Perhaps I convinced myself too much, but whatever the story may be – I’m hooked. Thus this long rambling blog which now has to come to an end. We’re pulling into Gar du Nord. This helped me cope a little bit with the fact I won’t be seeing the game – but I’ll be checking the score on my phone (thank you ESPN mobile). I hope we win. And by the time I get back and actually post this, I’ll already know the result.

***

Back in London now. . The the Phillies won on Wendesday. I celebrated by excusing myself, stepping outside and slapping high-five with a very confused French taxi driver.

Thursday I got back to London at 7:30 and bolted to The Sports Cafe, where they were broadcasting the game live on huge TVs. There were about 50 Phillies fans there, and 10 Rockies fans. It was "Wings Night", but they were out of wings. The Phillies lost. I rode the tube home in an awkward silence - saddened by the loss, but somehow happy that I'd been able to see the game, the fans and the city I regularly admire from afar.

Players Pedro Should Hit With Pitches

As the postseason approaches, may Philly sports writers are focusing on important things like the bullpen, jockeying for home field advantage, the rotation, Chase Utley's fatigue, Cliff Lee's apparent lapse into mere humanness - and the list goes on ad infinitum.

In light of all that, I wanted to offer a new thread to the Phillies postseason dialogue: Which players should Pedro drill in the back?

Pedro is - straight from the mouth of Amaro Jr - the smartest player on the team. By that he means, "Pedro knows you have bully teams into submission to win Championships". And, Pedro has the biggest balls in the clubhouse. Wasn't it him who said, "I'd brush back my grandmother if she was crowding the plate"? Badass.

So yeah, given all we know about Pedro, and given how much I love having the guy on the team, I want to offer up some suggestions on players he should peg with pitches this postseason. I'm assuming a postseason schedule of Rockies in the NLDS, Cards in the NLCS, and NY in the World Series.

NLDS against the Rockies:

1.) Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper - That's right Hickenlooper, you carpetbagging traitor. Formerly a Haverford School Ford and native of Philadelphia's Main Line area, Hickenlooper can now be seen in a plush luxury box at Coors Field wearing his stupid expansion team hat and stuffing his face with Buffalo testicles. It will be difficult to arrange this, Pedro, but you'll find a way. Peg him in his stupid groinal region. (here's a photo of Hickentraitor celebrating something stupid with the Rockies.)

2). Troy Tulowhateverthefuckski - I hate this little pest. Stupid name, stupid face. Plus he's my nemesis in fantasy baseball. Every time I play against him he comes off a quiet week and then hits about 5 HRs and steals 15 bases in three days. Peg him in the elbow, Pedro.

3.) Jorge De La Rosa - He looks like bizarro Benicio Del Torro and should be punished for it. Plus I can smell his cologne through the TV. This guy hangs out in laundramats sucking on lollipops while reading the abridged version of the old testament. Pig him in the facebone, Pedro.

4.) The rest of the lineup, except Todd Helton - I love Todd Helton bc he's old and classy, but the rest of them should be punished for getting hot right at the perfect time again - and giving me nightmares of that horrible sweep two years ago. Cmon' Pedro, knock em down one by one.

NLCS against St. Louis:

1.) Ryan Franklin - Since when did you get good? Remember when you were on the Phillies and you sucked worse than 6 fingered Alfonseca? Oh, you don't remember? Let me remind you: 1 Win, 5 Losses and 1 Blown Save over 53 innings. And now all of a sudden you have 38 saves and 1.95 ERA. Damn you. We could use you now. Pedro will find you in the clubhouse and beam your throwing hand with a 92mph fastball.

2.) Tony La Rusa - The genius manager who bats his pitcher in the 8-hole and wears a ballet shirt. Tony gets too much media love and needs a Pedro bruise to bring him back to reality. It's not hard to win your division and make the playoffs when all you have to do is remind the Cubs that they aren't allowed to win and the Brewers that dreams don't come true in real life. This is a tough one bc I respect La Russa a lot, but Pedro needs to send a message to the entire St. Louis organization: We will not be intimidated by smart people.

3.) Skip Schumaker - Skip is a dog's name.

4.) Matt Holliday - Screw you for sucking in the AL and then being good again in the NL. You just add fuel to the fire that the NL is weak, even though we are World Series champs. You make me sick with your partisan approach to batting, and you must be punished. Pedro will peg you in your giant cartoonish jaw.

5.) Carpenter and Wainwright - Enough about these two already. So what if they're good? Who cares? When did ESPN decide to vomit sperm all over their player cards? As far as I remember, the Phillies rocked Wainwright for 7 runs in 6 innings, and the Phillies were 4-1 aginst the Cards this year. Just hurt people, Pedro. I don't even care who it is - just not Pujols because when he gets mad he does bad things to Brad Lidge.

6.) Okay, Pujols - Nevermind that last comment about Pujols. Upon further review, he needs to be punished for damaging the psyche of our great reliever. It all comes to Pujols, doesn't it? That fabled swing, the HR, the season crushing moment that almost ruined Lidge's career - before he came to Philly and had the PERFECT season. But latey Lidge is having nightmares of Fat Albert's thick thighs in the batter box, waiting for him to deliver the pitch so he can send it to the moon. . .again. . .Peg him, Pedro. Peg him twice and bring our closer back to life.

World Series vs the NY Yankees:

1.) A-Rod - We don't have to explain this, do we? A-Rod is an asshole, plain and simple. Every pitcher should peg him. Not only is he an arrogant turd, he looks like a date-raping pedophile. Yes, he's unbelievably talented, but he's the biggest wank on a team full of pinstriped stroke artists. Peg him every time he steps up to the plate, Pedro. Each hit-by-pitch will be part of his public sentencing for shaming the game of baseball and ruining his hero status for millions of little kids when he lied, lied, lied and lied some more about his PED experience. The guy is worse than Terrell Owens in the insincerity department, and his ego is about as big as the stadium he plays in. Humility is king, A-Rod, just look at Pujols for an example of that. He's role model material. You're just a self-obsessed prick with a boner for Madonna circa 1993. And you take corny photos, proof:

2.) Johnny Damon - You know you want to peg him for sleeping with the enemy. Plus you miss his long hair and his scruffy beard, don't you? It's okay, Pedro, you can hurt him.

3.) Mark Teixeira - Another fantasy nemesis and all around beast of baseball along the same lines of Pujols. Mostly I am just scared of him. He's so big and quiet. It's unnatural, and unnerving. Peg his earhole, Pedro.

4.) C.C. Sabathia - Swarthy, fat body pitcher who belongs in 1970's porn, not MLB. He's got great stuff but he looks like a mix between a garbage pale kid and the groundhog from Caddyshack. Not too worried about him, though, since the Phillies lit him up last year in the Playoffs. Remember us C.C.? You gave up 5 runs and lasted only 3.2 innings against us. Ouch. And you gave up a Grand Slam to Victorino - POI Power! I hope we get another shot at you this year. I really do. And I hope Pedro pegs you, more as a reminder that you're not a hall of famer - you're just another sellout player who could have been great but decided instead to play for the Yankees. Boo hoo hoo.

So that's it. Get to work Pedro!

Chicago 2016 - Billy Dec Ruined It

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October Rules

The geniuses at deadspin made me belly laugh at work again. Read this briefly insane article about October. October rules. Here's a good october photo:

Matt Mosley Wants To Make Love To A Cowboys Helmet

Esteemed - and completely unbiased - sports writer Matt Mosley makes a mockery of himself in this article on ESPN.com.

He makes a pathetic argument against the Eagles, and worse argument in favor of the Cowboys. The Eagles defense didn't lose the game against NO - special teams did. You can't beat any team in football if you keep handing them the ball at your own 20 yard line. They responded well the next week, albeit against a sorry team. Mark Nov 1 and Nov 8 on your calendar - The Giants and Boys will be exposed.

As for the the Cowboys - they are the same horrible team that hasn't won a playoff game since Romo was riding the shortbus to middle-school (give it up for 1996!). Their RBs will be hurt all year, their WR are all 2nd tier, and their QB is scared of getting hit....anyone see the mic'd up video on NFL.com from week 1? Romo gets hit while throwing a TD and then gets up and instead of celebrating he starts yelling at his linemen - Who got me killed?!?! Speaking of Dallas linemen - Flozell Adams will have about a million penalties again this season because he's huge and stupid. Jason Witten is awesome, but he can't do everything. And what about Jerry Jones? He's making people $100 for standing room only tickets with absolutely no view of the field. Add all that up and you have to admit the entire Cowboys organization sucks a fat one.

Also, pretty lame of Mosley to use strength of schedule to back up his argument. He's quick to point out the Eagles have only beat Carolina and KC, but he fails to mention Dallas has earned their wins over. . .oh yeah. . .Carolina. . .and that beast of a team from Tampa Bay. Both Dallas and Philly have suffered their only losses to undefeated teams. Strength of schedule can't be a factor in this discussion. But he's the expert, surely he knows best.

I'm not an idiot. I know the Eagles have flaws and that there are huge question marks on the team. That being said, I refuse to let some turd burglar who wears Cowboys pajamas blast the Eagles in a supposedly loyalty-neutral forum. Reading his articles is almost as bad as listening to Michael Irvin on TV, or, worse, Merril Hoge say anything at all about football in general. Why can't everyone be like Jaws? He's a classy guy who leaves his green at home when he heads to work at the studio. Everyone loves Jaws. Even David Anderson of the Houston Texans:

Phillies Beer Pong Table

I thought this was pretty funny.


Read the full article online at The700Level.com.

Phillies Must Win Tonight - If Not, Hit the Panic Button

Despite their pathetic performance as of late, Phillies fans have room to breathe. As far as the math is concerned, the Phillies are still golden. They are leading the division by 4 games with 6 to go. That being said, you can hit the panic button if they don't win tonight. Here's why: They're playing at home. The have their backs are against the wall. It's a must win game, and it's a winnable game. They're facing a team in turmoil - the lowly Houston Astros - a team that has been out of the playoff race since the all star break. A team that the Phillies haven't beat all season.

But they will win tonight. They are going up against no-name Wilton Lopez, a relief pitcher turned starter with a whopping 8.44 ERA. In his last appearance of 3 or more innings, Lopez gave up 6 earned runs (3 home runs) to the. . .wait for it. . .Arizona Diamondbacks. If the Phillies don't annihilate this guy, they don't deserve to be in the playoffs.

So my prediction is simple: The Phillies win tonight, and the Braves lose to Josh Johnson and the Marlins. Tomorrow's magic number: 1.

If they don't win, they have no balls. And you can start worrying. Because if you can't beat Wilton Lopez, you definitely can't beat Wainwright and Carpenter.

Phillies Postseason Rotation: Hamels is the Ace

Phillies Postseason Rotation: Much has been written about the Phillies postseason pitching rotation. Everyone seems to have an opinion on who should pitch where (and when), so I thought I'd weigh in as well.

First, let it be known that the Phillies have one of the best starting pitching staffs of any team poised to make a run in October. They don't have the best rotation - that belongs to Boston - but they're damn close. A recent ESPN poll asked a collection of MLB scouts and execs to rank potential pitching staffs, and the Phillies came in 3rd behind Boston and St. Louis. I can accept being behind Boston because of the depth they have a pitching, but I call BS on St. Louis being ranked second. Yes Wainwright and Carpenter are both viable Cy Young contenders, but after that there's a significant drop off in the 3 and 4 slots. I understand the argument that you can win by running your top 2 out there as often as possible (witness Phillies post-season run 2008), but I don't think that's going to get it done this year.

The playoff teams in the NL have bigger bats this year, better lineups. On any night the Phils, Dodgers and Cards can put up anywhere from 5 -10 runs, no matter who's pitching. Just listen to the names of guys who will likely be stepping up to the plate in a couple weeks: Howard, Pujols, Manny, Holliday, Ethier, Kent, Utley, etc. These are big name players who like the playing in the spotlight. They aren't gonna let anyone - Cy Young credentials or not - intimidate them. So no, this fall won't be like the past two - no team is going to run in and sweep/semi sweep its way to the World Series. The lineups are too good, and the pitching is too good. These will be long series, and in long series you need depth. And, as crazy as it might sound, the Phillies have depth.

Pitching depth was a question mark for the Phils at the beginning of the season, but they answered those questions with Cliff Lee and Pedro. Whereas as most teams are trying to scrap together their number 4 starter, the Phils suffer a burden of riches. They have too many arms and can't decide who deserves a shot at October glory. Between Lee, Hamels, Blanton, Happ and Pedro, the Phillies have five quality arms that can go out and shut down any team in baseball. So what would you do?

Here's the rotation I would run with: Hamels, Lee, Blanton, Martinez.

The reasoning:

#1: Hamels is my ace in October for three reasons: 1.) He's got ice in his veins when it comes to big games (proven last year). 2.) He doesn't like pitching on short rest, so send him out first and let him recover in case you need him again. 3.) He's finally at full strength again, and his numbers this month are great. He's 3-1 with a 2.45 ERA and 35 K's. The changeup is looking lethal.

#2: Lee is the number 2. Most people would argue he's the ace and should get the game 1 start, but I think differently for 2 reasons: 1.) He's never pitched in the playoffs. 2.) He's been shaky lately - he's given up 5 or more runs in 4 of his last 6 starts (the other two games he gave up 1 run and struck out 11). So whereas Hamels is getting increasingly more consistent, Lee is teetering. But he's still the guy who showed up and went 5-0 with a 0.68 ERA. I think he thrives on the big stage as well, but still I go with Hamels for game 1.

#3: Blanton has been quietly impressive all season long (11-7, 3.82 ERA, 156 K's). And he's right handed. I like the Lefty, Lefty, Righty approach. Here's something to consider about Big Joe: He's rattled off 13 quality starts in his last 14 outings. Talk about consistency. All he needs is some run support, and, as mentioned above, the phils should be able to capitalize on any other team's weak #3 pitcher. This could be a win for the Phils in every series.

#4: Pedro Martinez. The old goat. The man who loves the big stage more than anyone on this team. The man with the amazing postseason credentials (6-2, 3.40 ERA, 80 K's). Three time Cy Young award winner. World Series champion. Smart competitor with balls of steel. These are some of the reasons I start Pedro over Happ. But not all of them. . .

Happ for Closer? How about, given the problems the back end of the bullpen has had, we move J.A. HAPP to the Closer role? Happ has been brilliant this season and could very well win the Rookie Of The Year award, but I want him coming out of the bullpen this fall. Pedro is a good option for this as well, but Pedro is old and could have serious trouble pitching on back to back nights. Plus, Pedro has trouble in the first inning and takes some time to settle down. You can't have that in a closer. You might bring up lack of experience as something working against Happ, but from what I've seen, the kid has brass balls and doesn't get rattled too easily. And there is precedent for this type of move: Adam Wainwright, now Cy Young contender, was moved into the closer role in place of Jason Isringhausen for the Cards' 2006 World Series championship run. There are differences (Wainwright had spent the year as a middle reliever) but point is you can make a young stud your closer and still win the ring.

Only time will tell what Charlie has up his sleeve. Needless to say, I can't wait to see.

The Numbers Game: Phillies Magic Number, Eagles Stats & More

The Phillies took advantage of a 6-run innning and pasted the fading Brew-crew last night in Milwaukee. J.A. Happ earned his 11th win, and the Phillies lowered their magic number to 4. They lead the NL East by 7 games with just 10 left play.

The Eagles are coming off 26 point loss to New Orleans and look to improve to 2-1 this week against an 0-2 Kansas City team that has allowed 51 points in 2 games. The Birds will be without QB McNabb and Kevin Kolb will be under center as QB1. There are question marks around Brian Westrbook and Desean Jackson. Looks like they will have limited roles - if they play at all. And oh yeah, Michael Vick is gonna play on Sunday.

And that's where we're at with our pro sports teams right now - One team is hobbling towards its 3rd consecutive division championship, and the other is stutter-stepping into its 3rd game and trying to define whether they're the team to beat or just another beatable team. Both have huge question marks at key positions, and all of that has been well documented by writers who are far more insightful than I am. So in thinking about the current state of the Phils and Eagles, I pulled together some numbers that may or may not be significant. Either way, their interesting to look at if you're a figures dork like me.

For instance, the Eagles only rushing TD wasn't scored by a RB. And of the 5 offensive TDs scored this season, no WR or RB has scored twice (i.e. no consistent red zone threat). Also, the Philies have a losing record against the teams they'll face in the last 10 games, and the Braves will play Washington in 7 of their remaing 10 games. . .the Nats have gone 6-14 so far in September.

Here are the numbers:

PHILLIES:
Magic Number: 4
Games Left: 10
Division Lead: 7 Games (Atlanta in 2nd)
Season record against upcoming opponents: 10-13
Atlanta's season record vs upcoming oppts: 14-12
Best Record in NL: 92-61 (Dodgers)
Dodgers lead over phils for best record: 2.5 Games
Phillies have outscored 2009 opponents by: 114 runs (4th best in NL)
Philies record over last 10 games: 7-3
Team Batting:
Total Home Runs: 214 (1st in NL, 3rd in MLB)
Total RBI: 742 (1st in NL, 4th in MLB)
Total Runs: 771 (1st in NL, 4th best in MLB)
Team AVG: .258 (8th worst in MLB)
Team Pitching:
Team ERA: 4.02 (7th best in MLB)
Saves: 42 (9th best in MLB)
Blown Saves: 17 (worst in MLB, Lidge - 11, Madson - 6)
Strikeouts: 1081 (13th best in MLB)

EAGLES:

General

Record: 1-1

Outscored Opponents by: 2 points

Random

Lost to New Orleans by: 26 points

Worst loss last season: 29 points (Baltimore)

After 29 point loss to Baltimore: 3 Straight wins and outscored opponents by 46 points (beat Giants and Cards)

Offense

Total Yards: 730

Yds/Game: 365

Passing Yards: 466

Pass yds/game: 233

Rushing Yards: 264

Rush yds/game: 132

Points: 60

PPG: 30

TDs: 5

Receiving TDs: 4

Rushing TDs: 1 (rushed by QB)

WR or RB with multiple TDs: 0 (Jackson has 2, but 1 was a punt return)

Receptions by Leading receiver: 14 receptions

Yards by leading receiver: 14

Name of leading receiver: Brent Celek (Go TE!. ..or can you say "Check Down"?)

1st Downs: 40 (23 passes, 16 rushes, 1 Penalty)

Defense:

Yards allowed: 590

Yards per game: 295

passing yards allowed: 371

passing yards per game: 185

rush yards allowed: 219

rush yards/game: 109.5

Points allowed 58

points allowed / game: 29

Tackles by leading tackler: 15 (Quintin Mikell)

Tackles: 129

Sacks: 7

Interceptions: 6

Forced Fumbles: 3

Defensive TDs: 1

Special Teams:

Kickoff Return Yards: 231

Punt Return Yards: 111

Yards per punt: 44

Field Goals: 3/4

Longest Field Goal: 49 Yards

Extra Points: 7/7

Penalties:

Total Penalties: 16 (8th worst in NFL)

Penalty Yards: 121

Offensive penalties: 8 for 50 Yards

Defensive penalties: 2 for 21 Yards

Special Teams Penalties: 6 for 50 Yards

Eagles Vs. Saints: Special Teams Sucked, Dont' Blame Kolb

By now everyone has had a chance to sit back and digest the horrendous performance put forth by our beloved Eagles on Sunday. And even though Tuesday is a day late for Monday Morning Quaterbacking, you'll have to cut me some slack as I've been traveling and haven't been able to post anything. (For the two of you who actually read this blog, sorry for the delay).

As for the pathetic game against the Saints, I had the pleasure of actually watching the game in real-time on Sky Sports. One of the frustrations of American sports fans in London is the inability to watch the games you want to watch - baseball isn't available on telecats, and even if it were, it's only on at 1am GMT. And for NFL Football, Sky Sports broadcasts games on Sundays - but they seem to choose the games at random. Luckily for me, the game for week 2 was the Eagles/Saints matchup. I had a little freak out spaz session when I found out - You mean I don't have to settle for just the audio feed! - and my wife and I got decked out in Eagles green, only to have our hearts crushed by the team we love. And for stupid reason, too. Special teams and penalties. Football 101.

Say what you will about Kevin Kolb, but the kid looked sharp when his team was still in the game - before they basically handed the game away with mental errors and ridiculously stupid special teams penalties and plays. I don't blame Kolb at all. He drove the team 65 yards down the field in 43 seconds and set Akers up for an easy FG right before half time. Not bad. Yeah, he threw a costly interception in the 3rd quarter - badly telegraphing a pass - but that's only after Ellis Hobbs fumbled away the game in the kick off return and handed any momentum the Eagles were building right back into the hands of Drew Brees and the explosive Saints offense.

So what do I blame - I blame Special Teams and Penalties. Plain and simple. They lost those two battles and in turn lost the field position game. Let's have a look at exactly how bad the Eagles Special Teams were on Sunday. By my count, there were NINE (9!) total screw ups.

1.) 1st quarter - Right after the Saints drive down the field and score on their opening we drive, Sean Jones gets calle for holding on the kickoff. Result? The Eagles start from the 15, but still get a TD on the bomb to Jackson. Crisis averted, temporarily.

2.) 1st quarter - After the Eagles score and convert the extra point, the Eagles defense is able to the hold saints to a rare three and out. And then the punt. . . Desean jackson calls for a fair catch and the birds should have the ball on the 23, but Chris Clemons gets called for roughing - really stupid, stupid penalty, especially since it's a fair catch! Result - Instead of getting the ball at the 23, the Eagles start from their own 12 (definitely losing the field position battle). They're able to get a first down, but then they're forced to punt. . .which leads to more problems. . .

3.) 1st quarter- The eagles are set to punt (line of scrimmage is the 24, only 1 yard ahead of where the should have been before the Clemons penalty). Sav Rocca boots a 58 yard punt, pinning the Saints at their own 18. Pretty good, right? Wrong. Why? Because Hanson gets called for an ILLEGAL SHIFT. Result, the Eagles are sent back to the 19 and asked to punt again, which leads to even more problems. . .

4.) 1st quarter - In what's becoming a comedy of errors, Rocca punts the post-penalty-punt OUT OF BOUNDS. Result? Instead of starting from the 18 (where the first punt landed) the Saints start from their own 47. You can't give the Saints short field position like that. They capitalize with a FG and take the lead 10-7.

5, 6, 7.) 2nd Quarter- This a 3-for-one screw-up! After the Eagles defense intercepts Brees and sets up a game tying FG, the game looks like momentum can be shifting. The defense is able to hold Brees and company to another 3 and out, and the Saints are forced to punt to Desean Jackson with just 1:40 left in the half (score tied at 10-10). The Eagles, if their smart, could secure safe field position and play smart, secure football to escape the half in a tie and come out on the receiving end of the 3rd quarter kickoff. Things are looking up, but. . . Desean Jackson elects to return a FG from the 2 yard line instead of letting bounce into the end zone for a touchback (error #5). He's able to return the ball to the 33 yard line, but only after two illegal blocks by Weaver and Clemons (errors number 6 and 7). Result, instead of having the ball at the 20 yard line (where it would have been if Jackson doesn't touch it), the Eagles are forced to start from their own 3 yard line. The go three and out, hand the Saints great field position AGAIN, and in two plays Marques Colston is leaping for a TD. How quickly the tide turns. . .

8) 3rd Quarter - Kolb looked sharp at the end of the 1st half, moving the birds 65 yards down the field in 43 seconds and setting up a David Akers FG. The Eagles had some momentum coming into the 2nd half, and if they could take the lead with a smart opening drive. But. . .Ellis Hobbs fumbles the kickoff and kills the Eagles' mojo. Instead of the Eagles going down and taking control of the game, the Saints get the ball at the eagles 23. Three plays later the score is 24 - 13 and the game is quickly getting out of reach.

9.) 3rd quarter - With the score 31-13, the Eagles look to return a kickoff and try to get something - anything! - going. But of course there's a holding call on the Eagles, and the offense has to start from their own 6. Result - Same as usual: 3 and out, punt, Saints get short field and score. Saints lead 34-13.

What amazes me most about the game - aside from how badly they played on Special Teams, was how easy the Eagles made it for the Saints to score. As a result of Special Teams, penalties and turnovers, the Saints were handed amazing field position all day long. Just look at numbers:
The Saints received their ball at their own 35 (or better) FIVE TIMES! Of those five, they started in Eagles territory twice. And, oh yeah, they scored each of the five times.

For the Eagles part, they started at their own 35 (or better) just twice. And what did they do? Punted once, and scored a TD on the other.

Moral of the story: You can't make stupid mistakes against a team as offensively talented as the Saints. They will capitalize every time, and you will lose. Badly.

Merril Hoge is a Douchebag & Jimmy Johnson Loves The Eagles

Once again, Merril Hoge picked the Eagles to lose. He always picks the Eagles to lose. Why? Because he's a douchebag. I hate Merril Hoge. You would think that he would be more supportive of Andy Reid - they're both Mormons - but no, Merril Hoge insists on picking against the Eagles every chance he gets.

But we do have one unlikely supporter - Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson brought years of misery to Eagles fans, but Jimmy told FOX Philly that the Eagles are his choice to win the Super Bowl this year. See him make the call in THIS VIDEO.

Vick is #1 in Jersey Sales: 6,140 Michael Vick Jerseys Sold

Updating a previous post, Michael Vick has now surpassed Brett Favre as the leader in NFL jersey sales. Vick's home and away jerseys combined for a total of 6,140 sales for the week ending August 30. That's a lot of jersey sales for a guy whose been blacklisted at Dick's Sporting Goods. Read the full article online at The Boston Herald.

Vick, who served 18 months in federal prison for dogfighting charges, will not be reinstated until the third game of the season - a home game against the Kansas City Chiefs on Sept. 27. No doubt there will be lots of Vick jerseys at that game. And, perhaps nobody will be more excited for Vick's return than Donovan McNabb. Read his comments here. Only time will tell how all of this will work out. . .

Alex Smith - Signed

As predicted, Alex Smith is now a Philadelphia Eagle. Tony Curtis looked decent against the Jets, but I'm much more comfortable having a proven red zone threat lining up in the double tight formation. Anyone else predict some fake-block delayed release to the corner of the end zone routes? More details on Alex Smith's signing.

Postseason Closers: A Look at This Decade's World Series Champs

With 26 games left in the regular season, Brad Lidge is only 4 meltdowns away from tying the MLB single-season record of 14 blown-saves, a dubious distinction currently held by a quartet of relievers, two of which are Hall of Famers - Rollie Fingers, Bruce Sutter, Bob Stanley and Ron Davis. And indeed it looked like Lidge was on pace to narrow the gap again last night, when he loaded the bases and appeared to be on the verge of blowing his 11th save of the season.

But Charlie Manuel finally decided to yank his erratic closer.

Manuel said, "...I didn't have a very good feel about the game, and I made up mind I wanted to try Madson." So Charlie replaced Lidge with last year's "Bridge to Lidge", a risky move considering that Madson has had problems in the closer's role - coming into last night's game, Madson had blown more saves (5) than he'd converted (4). But Madson got the job done. He preserved the Phillies' two run lead and prevented the slumping NL East leaders from losing their fifth straight game.

So what does this mean for Lidge? Are we moving to a closer-by-committee scenario? And how does this all effect the Phillies' World Series aspirations? I decided to take a look at each championship team since 2000 and evaluate their Closers. There was some encouraging information there, for example. . .

Of the 8 Championship teams in the 2000's, four of them had 5 or more blown saves in the regular season, and two of those teams had at least 10 blown saves ('06 Cardinals, '03 Marlins). In fact, each World Series winner from 2003 - 2006 had at least 5 blown saves.

Also, half of the championship teams relied on unproven closers for the World Series. Here are the stories:

2006 Cardinals: Jason Isringhausen was the team's closer for the regular season. Isringhausen recorded 33 saves and 10 blown saves before getting sidelined by injury. Adam Wainwright took over for Isringhausen, and the rest is history. Wainwright, MLB's current wins leaders, had 4 postseason saves and allowed 0.00 earned runs over 9.2 innings of work.

2005 White Sox: Dustin Hermanson was the closer for the majority of the regular season when the south siders won the World Series. Hermanson had 34 saves, 5 blown saves, 5 holds and an ERA of 2.04. He then got injured and lost his job to Bobby Jenks, and Jenks did a great job in the postseason - 4 saves, 1 blown save and a 2.25 ERA.

2003 Florida Marlins: The regular season closer was Braden Looper. Looper had 28 saves and 8 blown saves before losing the job to Ugueth Urbina. Urbina wasn't perfect in the postseason - Despite blowing 2 saves, he converted 4 other saves and helped the Marlins to a World Series championship.

2001 Arizona Diamondbacks: Byung-Hyun was the team's closer. He had 19 regular season saves, but after blowing 2 save chances in the World Series, the Diamondbacks called on Randy Johnson in Game 7 - one night after picthing 7 innings in a Game 6 victory - to keep their championship hopes alive. Johnson came on in the top of the 8th with Diamondbacks trailing 2-1. He flyballed Knoblauch and retired the side. Then he came out again and retired the side 1-2-3 in the top of the ninth, setting the stage for Arizona's stunning 9th inning victory. Granted it wasn't a save situation, but it was the most important relief appearance of the year. Johnson got the win. Kim watched from the bench.

What does all this mean for the Phillies? It means that there is no precedent in place dictating that you have to have a perfect closer to win championships. Teams have won with patchwork approaches before, so if the Phillies have to run a mixture of Lidge, Madson, Meyers, Martinez and Moyer, so be it. Crazier things have happened. But what hasn't happened is this: No team in the last decade has made it to the playoffs with a closer whose ERA is above 4.00. Lidge's ERA is currently 7.15. And, when you combine his numbers with Madson's, the result is scary - 5.15 ERA and 15 Blown Saves. I can't say for certain, but I'm willing to bet that no team in MLB history has ever won a championship with those numbers.

First things first, though. The Phillies still need to need to make the playoffs, and things are looking grim. They've just been swept by the Astros and only scored a total of 3 runs in a 3 game series against the Giants. The offense needs to come alive, otherwise all this postseason bullpen talk will just be a giant waste of time.

Eagles Ranked 4th in ESPN Power Rankings

ESPN.com released its NFL Power Rankings for week 1, and the Eagles are 4th on the list. The top 3 teams are the Steelers, Patriots and Giants with the Chargers rounding out the top 5. Apparently the ESPN.com gurus are more confident in the Eagles than the Phillly faithful are, as today on the 610WIP morning show callers predicted the Eagles would win (on average) just over 8 games this year, citing the health of the O-Line and questions about the middle linebacker and safety positions as areas of key concern. Neverthless, the Eagles have lots of weapons on offense, and I'm sure that's why they're ranked so high. Between Westbrook, Jackson, Curtis, McCoy, Celek, Maclin, Weaver and Avant, Reid and McNabb will have lots of weapons to tinker with. Let's just hope the O-Line gets consistent and healthy, and the defense can gel without mastermind Jim Johnson, spiritual leader Brian Dawkins, and leading tackler Stuart Bradley.

Vick Speaks to Students at Nuevo Esperanza Academy

Michael Vick will address a class of 200 incoming freshmen at the Nuevo Esperanza Academy today. The topic: Dogfighting. Vick is set to share his experience with the students and discourage them from violence towards animals. All of this will make Jeffery Lurie happy, as Lurie maintains Vick's status on the team is 100% contingent on his work OFF the field. Vick will be accompanied by Wayne Pacelle, President of the Humane Society.

This all comes shortly after the Eagles circulated a draft plan to animal rights organizations that calls for "an immediate, widespread campaign to combat animal abuse in Philadelphia." Read more about the plan online at Philly.com.

Alex Smith - Eagles New TE?

The Patriots have released Alex Smith. The former Tampa Bay TE was picked up in the off season in exchange for a fifth-round pick. Smith competed for roster spots with Benjamin Watson and Chris Baker. He lost, mostly because he sucks at blocking. He's a decent receiver, though. In 4 years with Tampa, Smith had 129 receptions for 1252 yards and 11 TDs. He averaged almost 10 yards per reception, and he only fumbled once. Not bad. It was rumored that Eagles were in talks with the Pats to make a trade - Feeley for Smith - but it appears both sides can get the players for free if they want. That is, of course, if the Giants don't beat the Birds to the punch. According to one source, Smith has already worked out for the Giants. It'll be interesting to see what happens with this, and if the Eagles feel Smith would add necessary depth to TE position.

Terrelle Pryor Loves Mike Vick

Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor expressed his support for Mike Vick by wearing Vick's name in his eye black. He then went into a press conference and said: "Not everybody is a perfect person in the world. Everyone does - kills people, murder people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I just that feel people need to give him a chance." Watch the video:

It's great the Pryor wants to honor and support an athlete he admires, but someone at Ohio State needs to teach the kid how to talk, perhaps one of his pre-law profs. That's right, Pryor is a Criminal Law major. Lesson number one: Be specific, Terrelle. Don't say everyone kills people and steals from you if that's not really what you mean.

Eagles Notes for Tuesday, Sept 8th

Qunitin Demps got benched. Macho Harris will be the starting Free Safety on Sunday at Carolina. Macho is a rookie fifth round draft pick out of Virgina Tech who has never played Free Safety, but the Eagles coaching staff are impressed by his field intelligence as well as his tackling skills. Whereas Demps was often hesitant and sometimes an inept tackler, Harris plays with abandon and likes to lower his shoulder. Also, Macho had 15 career interceptions at Virgina Tech. Read more online here. And check out his college highlights below. No doubt dude has talent:



Shawn Andrews says he's ready to start on Sunday. He hasn't played a down of football in a year, but he hasn't lost his confidences. When asked how he feels about lining up against 4-time pro-bowler Julius Peppers, Andrews said: “I don’t want to get into a hissing match, but at the same time, I’m a beast too. It’s not a me and Peppers deal. It’s a team thing, but since you asked about the individual battle, I’m a beast too. So let the beasting begin, if you will.” Read the full article online here.

Desean Jackson aims to have a big year. When asked how he could improve upon his rookie season - 62 receptions for 912 yards and 2 TDs - Jackson said his plan is to double his number of receptions: "That's the plan - to double 62. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But I'm definitely shooting for it. I know there's going to be competition, but that's the challenge. Me and Donovan [McNabb] are on the same page. He knows the type of receiver that I am and how I've developed in my second year." Read the full artcile online at the Inquirer.

Panthers fans have a lot to worry about this season. This is hopeful news for an Eagles team that has struggled mightily in the preseason. Get a rundown of Carolina's concerns in this article from The Star Online.

Phillies Pitching at a Glance

In a 3-game series where the Giants outscored the Phillies by two runs, the Phillies still managed to steal two games and walk away the victors. And they only needed a total of three runs to do it.

How is this possible? Kick ass pitching. That's right, the Phillies pitching staff went toe-to-toe with the vaunted San Fran aces, and the Phils came out victorious. Things are looking good for the playoffs (as long as we stay healthy). Just look at the numbers:

Cole Hamels hasn't allowed a run 19 innings.

Pedro Martinez is 3-0 with 23 Ks since his first start on August 12th.

Happ is a leading NL rookie of the year candidate. At 10-4, he's only one win away from becoming the first Philly pitcher since 1980 to win 11 games.

Blanton has allowed just 3 runs or less in his last 12 starts.

Cliff Lee is 5 -1 with 2 complete games and 44 Ks since joining the squad.

Brad Lidge has converted all 3 of his last 3 save chances, and even though he leads the league in blown saves (9), he has still compiled 28 saves (just 8 less than the NL leader).

The Phils pitchers are all where they should be. If the bats come alive again, there's no stopping them.

Donovan McNabb IHOP Commerical

In case you haven't already seen it, check out Donovan's new commercial - He's selling pancakes for IHOP. No Mama McNabb in these commercials.



All of this is part of IHOP's new partnership with the NFL. Larry Fitzgerald got roped in to film some commercials as well.



Here's the delicious IHOP NFL Menu:

-- AFC & NFC Stuffed French Toast: A football-shaped version of our
famous cinnamon raisin stuffed French toast filled with a sweet cream
center. Grilled and served on top of either cool AFC strawberries or
warm NFC blueberry compote. Served a la carte or with all the
favorites.

-- NFC Blueberry Banana Blitz: An NFC All-Pro lineup with two fluffy
buttermilk pancakes filled with blueberries, then piled high with more
blueberries, sliced fresh bananas and creamy whipped topping. Served a
la carte or with all the favorites.

-- AFC Strawberry Banana Blitz: An AFC All-Pro lineup with two fluffy
buttermilk pancakes stacked with strawberries, sliced fresh bananas and
creamy whipped topping. Served a la carte or with all the favorites.

-- MVP Quarterback Scramble: Has it all -- made with diced pork sausage
links, chopped bacon, diced ham, hash browns, diced jalapeños, cheddar
cheese and a splash of our famous buttermilk and wheat pancake batter
for an extra fluffy scramble. Served with two buttermilk pancakes.

-- Veteran Quarterback Scramble: A seasoned pro -- made with sliced
smoked sausage, hash browns, cheddar cheese and a splash of our famous
buttermilk and wheat pancake batter for an extra fluffy scramble.
Served with two buttermilk pancakes.

-- Rookie Quarterback Scramble: Still a little green and made with fresh
spinach, hash browns, cheddar cheese and a splash of our famous
buttermilk and wheat pancake batter for an extra fluffy scramble.
Served with two buttermilk pancakes.

-- Draft Pick Quarterback Scramble: A first-round choice for lighter
fare made with egg substitute, fresh spinach and grilled onions then
topped with roasted tomatoes and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Served
with a side of fresh fruit or whole wheat toast.

Sweet.

Curt Schilling Seeks Kennedy's Senate Seat?

He can't be serious, can he? Read the article here. Wow, what a pompous prick. It's bad enough he has 3 world series rings. If he gets Kennedy's senate seat, the Red Sox Nation will have even greater exposure to the rest of the country, who mostly hate the BoSox. Do we really need Captain Masshole waxing philosophical with our tax dollars. Short answer, No. There's a reason '93 Phillies hated Schilling - Because he's a douchebag.

Osi is a Baby

Good news for Eagles fans: Osi Umenyiora doesn't like his coach. Apparently Osi got in a fight with Defensive Coordinator Bill Sheridan and then left practice without telling anyone. As far as I can tell, Osi has it made - he gets $41 million to have temper tantrums and act like a baby.

Eagles fans should be pleased about this, because it's just another distraction for a Giants team that has seen more than its fair share of press lately - Plax gettin jail time, suspicions about Antonio Pierce's status in the league, Domenik Hixson dropping passes, the departure of Steve Spagnuolo and so on and so on.

If the distractions keeping piling on, the Giants D-Line might not actually realize how good they are, and then the Eagles battered O-Line would have a much easier time moving down the field. Remember when Osi sacked Donovan 6 times? Yeah, that sucked. Here's a ridiculous shot of Osi hugging some strippers:

Are we really gonna let this guy beat us? Hell no.

The Fans Have Spoken: Favre and Vick Top Selling Jerseys

Brett Favre's Vikings jersey is the #1 selling jersey so far this year, and Mike Vick's Eagles jersey isn't far behind at #4. Pretty impressive stuff considering both guys signed with their teams so late in the preseason. Also, Dick's Sporting Goods refused to sell Vick's jersey, making it even more impressive that Vick could crack the top 5. Vick is the only Eagle who made the top 20 list. Read the full article online at CNBC.com.

Saturday Snapshots: The Big Piece, The Red Zone, and The Greatest Freakout Ever

This time last year Brad Lidge was perfect, converting 32 straight save opportunities. And Cole Hamels was 11 - 8. But how was the team doing? On this date last year, the Phils had lost three straight (one to the Mets and two the sCrUBs) and were 2 games behind the Mets in the NL East. Relive the misery here. This year we're 22 games over .500 with an 8 game lead over Florida and Atlanta, who are tied for second. We're only a 1/2 game back of the Dodgers for the best record in the National League. So people can worry about Lidge and Hamels all they want, but the reality is we have a nasty team and there's an entire month of regular season ball left. They'll get themselves right for October. So quit whining. Go to dollar dog night and enjoy yourself.

Speaking of Lidge. . .The Phils struggling closer showed up to the park last night sporting a sweet new haircut, which he thinks will inspire him to pitch better. Looks like the buzzcut helped, too, as Lidge pitched a perfect ninth inning, earning his 26th save in the Phils 4-2 victory over Atlanta.

Maybe Raul Ibanez needs a haircut, too. Ibanez has just 9 hits in his last 61 at-bats and only 1 HR in his last 96 at-bats. This is a guy who started off the season by hitting 20 HRs in 56 games - the fastest a Philadelphia player has ever reached the 20HR mark.

Ryan Howard is "The Big Piece". I hadn't heard this, but I think it's kind of funny. Read the Jim Salisbury article online at Philly.com. And indeed Howard is doing all he can to keep this team atop the NL East. He's batting .339 with 11 HRs and 29 RBIs in his last 15 games.

The Eagles preseason victory over the Jags was misleading at best, as both the offense and the defense failed to fire on all cylinders. Of course the big story was Michael Vick, but to focus on his performance - completed 4 of 4 passes for a total of 19 yards - would be a waste of time. Yeah, he played and everyone including myself was excited to see what he could do, but his presence wasn't enough to right the O's miscues, fumbleities and overall flacid red-zone performance.

The Red Zone was a huge problem for the Eagles last year, and Thursday's game against the Jags didn't indicate things would get better any time soon. In their first three red zone possessions, the starters went FG, fumble (recovered for TD), and FG. That just flat out sucks. All last year we had to suffer and watch the Eagles lose close games that they should have won if they could just score actual TDs inside the 20 yard line. Anyone remember the Bears game last year? If not, refresh your memory. I was there, and I never want to witness anything so limp-dicked again. In 2008, the Eagles went 9 - 6 -1, and in those 6 losses they only lost one game by more than a TD. If you take out that horrible Ravens game, the Eagles lost, on average, by 5.2 points. Those are games we could've should've won if we had any success in the friggin red zone. I love David Akers, but if I have to watch him kick field goals from the 12 yard line all season, I'm gonna cut my eyeballs out.

Todd Herremanns, who could be a huge help moving the line in the red zone, had to undergo foot surgery yesterday. I really hope he gets healthy soon and that the O-Line will actually play together as a complete unit before, hmm, week 6?!? Is that too much to ask?

Amid all that, McNabb looked pretty sharp for the most part. His numbers are impressive for three quarters of play - 21/36, 244 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.

Did I mention the Eagles suck in the red zone? Let me reiterate how badly they suck in the red zone. I don't want anyone to read this any walk away without fully comprehending how much of a problem the red zone is for the eagles. As reported in The Morning Call: The Eagles ranked 22nd in the league inside the 20 last season. And so far this preseason, they went 3 of 8 against the Jags, 0 for 2 against Indy, and 2 for 5 against New England. To sum it up, the Eagles need an answer for the Red Zone. Is the answer Mike Vick? Maybe. Is it Brent Celek or LeSean McCoy? I hope so. Is it Tony Curtis? Definitely not.

In other news. . .

I found a great site called Lamebook that you should all check out. Basically it just highlights all the idiots on facebook. Try and find the post for "Fun Day", but, be warned, it's only for the brave of heart.

And last but not least, check out Deadspin's NFL preview of the Packers. If you can't laugh at this there's something wrong with you.

Oh and here's a video you will enjoy:

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335 Pounds of Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal

Shawn Andrews is giddy. Stacy Andrews is "glappy". And all Eagles fans should be terrified. Say goodbye to Runyan and Tra; Say hello to crazy town.

First there's Shawn, the "Big Kid" with the orange "Brohawk". He missed all of last summer's training camp while battling depression, sat out most of the regular season after undergoing back surgery and has yet to practice this season because of back pain. He hasn't played a down of football since September 15th, 2008 (that horrible 37-41 loss to the Cowboys) and yet the Eagles, in an effort to make him more comfortable, went out this offseason and picked up both his brother and his college roommate to join him on the Eagles new O-Line. And what did Shawn Andrews do? He posted youtube videos of himself rapping in his basement. Check out this masterpiece called "Get Your Michael Phelps On".



And of course there's this one, where he refers to himself as as "335 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal". I have to admit that Andrews is entertaining in Clinton Portis kind of way.



One doesn't want to mock someone who really may be mentally ill, and Andrews has been very public about his bout with depression. Some armchair psychiatrists have made the argument that his recent flamboyance is a byproduct of prescription medications gone awry. And if that's the case, he should get all the help he needs. But if he's just being weird for weirdness sake, the Eagles should set his ass loose and go find someone else to protect McNabb. If you're injured, you're injured. You do your rehab work and you shut your mouth until you're ready to play again. You don't go around drawing attention to how crazy you are, and, oh yeah, that you haven't played football in forever.

And then you've got Stacy Andrews, who has recently coined the term "Glappy", a mixture of glad and happy. I'll give him a pass, though, because he was talking about playing alongside his brother, and if that happens in time for the season opener at Carolina, I'll be glappy as well. I'll be the glappiest guy in London. Because when Shawn Andrews is healthy, he's a pro-bowler. And you need pro-bowlers to win championships. Jason Peter is a pro-bowl caliber player as well, so that makes me double glappy.

We just need them healthy. And preferably sane. If that happens, then whole team get their Michael Phelps on.

Little Leaguer Wants to Hurt People

Check out this video of a little league pitcher asking his coach if he can peg the next batter.



Now, read the following two articles. One from Stupid Sports Blog and one from Deadspin. I agree with the Deadspin writer, who says (bluntly), "...it's hard not to sympathize with a 12-year-old who just messed up the biggest moment of his life in front of a national TV audience. Sometimes sportsmanship can go take a fucking hike."

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

The Hostile Loner:

Cliff Lee is The Comparison King

Cliff Lee is off to an unbelievable start in the NL. Since joining the Phillies, he's gone 5-0 with 39Ks and a 0.68 ERA. And he's only walked 6 batters. Those are the kinds of numbers that make stat geeks get all hot bothered, and when they're done wiping the drool off their lips, they feel the need to somehow put Lee's numbers in perspective. And so begin the comparisons. . .

But comparisons are nothing new to Beast Lee. Even before he was traded to Philly, 99.9% of fans calling into 610WIP said they would rather have Roy Halladay. As far as they were concerned, Lee was merely a runner-up to the grand prize Halladay. I was one of those fans, and I'm happy to admit I was an idiot.

And then he was a Philly. He won 4 straight games and the comparisons to Sabathia started popping up. It makes sense, as the two aces have a lot in common. Both Cy Young winners, both former Cleveland Indians, both traded to NL teams, both start 4-0, etc, etc.

And then Lee won his fifth game. Now he's drawing comparisons to the greatest Lefty to ever pitch in the city of brotherly love. Check out this article by Rich Hoffman. If nothing else, all of this proves that Lee is a premier pitcher, and that Philly fans should sing his praises - because he won't sing his own. The ever humble Lee had this to say about his fifth win: :"It was already an unbelievable team before I got here. That's made it easy for me." Now that's a class act.

Eagles Sign TE Tony Curtis

Did the Eagles really sign an already injured TE to compete for the spot left vacant by Cornelius Ingram? You bet they did. Check out the article here.

One has to wonder what the Eagles can really expect to get out of Curtis. Since entering the NFL in 2005, he only has 11 career receptions for a total of 50 yards.

Interesting fact: In the 2007 season, Curtis only caught 3 passes, all of them touchdowns . One of those TDs was a 1 yard pass from Romo in the Cowboys 38 - 17 manhandling of the Eagles at the Linc.

Monday Funday

PHILLIES

Eric Bruntlett snagged a piece of glory yesterday by becoming only the 2nd player in MLB history to turn a game-ending, unassisted triple play. Here's the play:

With the triple play, Bruntlett saved the game for struggling closer, Brad Lidge. Had that ball gotten through the infield, Lidge would have eaten his 9th blown save. As it stands, though, Lidge earned his 25th save and the Phillies are now 6.5 games ahead of 2nd place Atlanta.

Cliff Lee will go for his 5th straight win in the NL tonight, as he takes the mound against Bobby Parnell in the series finale against the Mets. Cliff Lee is a Cy Young winner. Parnell is a relief pitcher. My money is on Lee.

Jayson Werth killed me in fantasy baseball last week. Look at his stats -- Runs (7), HR (5), RBI (9), TB (29), AVG (.440). Those are video game stats, courtesy of the Mets and Diamondbacks. He's hit more HRs in the last 30 days than he hit during the entire 2007 season. One has to wonder if the Phils will be able to keep him around in 2010. Read about the outfield problem in a good articled at The Good Phight.

EAGLES
The Eagles failed to impress anyone in their 2nd straight preseason loss, a 23 - 15 drumming handed down by Peyton Manning and the Colts. Everyone, including the coach and QB, are concerned about injuries to key players such as Westbrook, Leonard Weaver, and, oh yeah, the entire offensive line. But as Bob Brookover writes, it isn't time to panic just yet.

Michael Vick will probably be under center for some snaps against the Jags on Thursday. So obviously he's making progress on the field. But what about off the field? If we're to believe Jeffery Lurie, Vick's place on the roster is contingent upon his role in the community, particularly with regards to working in partnership with the human society. So far nothing of the sort has happened. However, meetings are planned to take place today at the NovaCare complex. Vick will not attend the meeting, though that decision wasn't his. Sal Paolantino explains in this article at ESPN.

OTHER NFL NOTES
Brett Favre made his first appearance as a Viking in a preseason matchup against the Chiefs. Favre went 1-4 for with 4 yards passing. I've always been a Favre apologist, but this time around it's really hard to stomach. Why can't all hall-of-fame-caliber athletes go out like Mike Schmidt? Prepare a speech, give as much of it as you can, and then retire. For good. You didn't see Michael Jack try to make a comeback with Mets, did you? No, beacuse Mike Schmidt isn't an idiot.



Jay Cutler had a stellar performance against the Giants on Saturday night. The Bears new QB completed 8 of 13 passes for 121 yards and a TD. If Cutler can keep his head together, and if Orlando Pace doesn't fall apart after 5 games, Chicago could be a tough team to beat this year. Matt Forte is a monster.

Brandon Marshall wants out of Denver. Meanwhile, Kyle Orton did his best to assure Denver fans he doesn't totally suck. After throwing three picks in three straight series last week against San Fran, Orton responded adequately against the Seahwaks. He completed 18 of 26 passes for 182 yards and a TD. He also threw an interception. Expect some fireworks next week when Jay Cutler and the Bears come to Denver next week.