Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday Snapshots: True Blood, Massholes and More

A quick list of all things that are a.) relevant to Philly sports; or b.) irrelevant to Philly sports.

Billy Wagner is claimed off waivers by the Red Sox. Ken Rosenthal reports in full at Fox Sports. Rosenthal's post is clear and informative, though it's a bit too unbiased. What Rosenthal should have said was, "Billy Wagner Claimed by Massholes".

Quinten Mikell wins this week's "Captain Obvious" award. In an interview about the Eagles preseason embarrassment in Indy, Mikell said, "I think we need to just get back to basics". By basics, Mikell means not allowing a team's #1 receiver to run 76 yards completey untouched. Let's hope Ellis Hobbs figures this defense out.

After learning of Plaxico's 2-year prison sentence, his Giants teammates were "Surprised and Saddened", claiming his celebrity worked against him and that the cops would have looked the other way if Plax were just regular everyday normal guy (see video below). Are the Giants players actually suggesting that ordinary civilians get preferential treatment from law enforcement officers? If so, every player on the roster deserves to have his testicles removed by force.
Link


Cole Hamels continues to struggle on the mound for the Phillies. In last night's loss to the Mets, Hamels gave up 10 hits and 4 runs in just 5 innings of sub-par slinging. As noted on The Good Phight, Hamels last won on July 28, against the Diamondbacks; since then, he's gone 5.0, 5.1, 6.0, and 5.0 innings, and the team has lost all four games. I'm not worried about the Kid Cole, though. He's a World Series MVP with nasty junk and a super hot wife. He's bound to pull it all together.

True Blood has reached London and my wife is obsessed. I watch the show online with her, and while she tries to decide who she likes better - Sam or Bill or Eric - I can't help but to wonder which southern freakshow would be best on the Eagles. Immediatley eliminate Sam, as he lacks superhuman speed and couldn't shape-shift while wearing pads (nobody wants to see a nude guy on the gridiron). Then eliminate Bill because he is too short and has an awkard haircut. He is also whipped by Sookie and probably wouldn't be able to focus in team meetings. Jason Stackhouse is a good natural athlete, but again he lacks superhuman speed. Sookie could actually be useful in a cheat-like-the-patriots kind of way, but she isn't violent enough. This leaves Eric, the viking vampire who always wears a lame tank top. Attire aside, Eric would be perfect in the Eagles secondary. He's freakishly fast and won't get beat by Larry Fitzgerald. He's above average height and has an amazing 60-foot vertical jump. Most importantly, though, he loves to dominate people. Eric is the winner.

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