RAM JAM! DeSean Wants Cash, Pervy Madrigals, Iverson vs. Kobe. And a song.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- DeSean Jackson says "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" League sources have informed CSN’s Derrick Gunn that Jackson’s agent Drew Rosenhaus plans to approach the Eagles in hopes of negotiating a four- or five-year extension for his client. The guys at The 700 Level do a nice job of breaking down the situation. Hopefully it all works out.

- Jackson, McNabb and their fellow NFC all-stars are set to play the Pro Bowl this Sunday. Here's the thing: Nobody cares. Deadspin does a great job of explaining why exactly the Pro Bowl is the "least relevant event on the sporting calendar."

- Jose Contreras says he's happy to do whatever it takes to help the Phillies get their 3rd world series in as many years. Ruben Amaro paraphrased nicely, "I think his quote was, 'I'd be willing to pick up bats if you need me to.'" Love it.

- Iverson or Kobe? That was the decision the 76ers had to make in 1996. John Smallwood of The Daily News takes a look at the decision and what could have been.

- Who are the TOP 5 Quarterbacks of ALL TIME? TE George Wrighster weighs in at Yardbarker. Good starting point for discusison, but not sure I agree with the rankings. That'll be a whole other post.

- The Broncos will trade Brandon Marshall, says the Denver Post. Question is, where will he go?

WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: This English madrigal expert seems to get too much pleasure out of saying "double entendre" in the correct French pronunciation. Charming little song, but pervy when you think about what the turd in sweater vest said.


SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "We were a strok of luck. We were a gold mine. They gutted us."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! McNabb wants to stay, Dr. Chapstick, Pillow Brides. And a song.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- Donovan McNabb says he will be in Philadelphia next season. Not only that, he wants to be in Philadelphia. In his own words, "I believe in starting somewhere and finishing what you started and my goal is to win a Super Bowl and bring it back to Philadelphia because I think they deserve it. We've given them some great years, but we just haven't been able to finish and I think good things are going to happen pretty soon."

- Despite what McNabb says, DeSean Jackson knows the Eagles brass have a "huge decision" to make at QB. Don't take it the wrong way, DeSean loves him some McNabb: "We have a great relationship. Didn't you see us out there? We're good man. Just know that."

- In what will no doubt be a huge sub-plot in the "will-he-stay-or-will-he-go" debate regarding Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner is set to announce his plans for next season tomorrow. If he's retiring, the rumors about McNabb wearing a Cards jersey will start immediately.

- In other Eagles QB news, it seems as if the Rams are taking a serious look at Mike Vick. He won't be the starter in Philly next year, and it's doubtful Jeff Lurie will pick up Vick's $5million option.

- Phillies pitching prospect Philippe Aumont was in town yesterday. The team is excited about this guy. He's 6-7, 225 pounds with a fastball that hit 97 mph in the Arizona Fall League. Aumont discusses the comparisons to Drabek and his future wil the Phils in this article from the Inquirer.

- The guys from The 700 Level has a plan to stop the 76ers from sucking so bad.

- Remember when the 76ers were a proud franchise? I miss the Dr. Chaptsick days:



WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: A stuttering Nigerian man who can't get a girlfriend announces plan to marry his pilllow.

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "Fair Phyllis I saw sitting all alone, feeding her flock near to the mountainside!"

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! McNabb Got Jokes, Jim Thome in Minnesota. And a song.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- Donovan McNabb plays role of class-clown at NFC Prow Bowl team's first meeting, poking fun of Vernon Davis' hair and teasing Jason Witten about getting beat down by the Vikings in the playoffs.

- Will McNabb be wearing a Vikings jersey next season? Google seems to think so.

- At least one former Philadelphia superstar will be in Minnesota next year: Slugger Jim Thome agrees to terms with the Twins.

- Charlie Manuel discusses pitching changes, depth on the bench, and the World Series.

- All eyes on Tim Tebow at the Senior Bowl. Too bad for him, though, because nobody seems to be impressed. And where is Coach Reid during this important week of scouting? At home, due to inclement weather.

WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: China is FINALLY going to ban the eating of cats and dogs. About time, eh?

SONG OF THE DAY:

RAM JAM! Manning Face, Favre, Russians. And a song.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- Manning Face. Need I say more?

- For the 4th time this season, the 76ers fail to win 3 in a row.

- McNabb and Romo to represent the NFC in the most meaningless Pro Bowl ever.

- Chase Utley is 31. "He has played in more than 155 games in three of the last four seasons, hiding hurts and real injuries." Sam Donnelon of the Daily News makes the case to give Chase some more rest this season.

- It's painful to watch this, because I know how it feels:

- Minnesota play-by-play duo call the Favre interception, and they are merciless. TAKE A KNEE! THIS IS NOT DETROIT, MAN. THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL!

- And the Favre speculation begins: Will he play another season? He needs to discuss it with his family, of course.

- Nancy Kerrigan is in the news again. Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan's brother Mark Kerrigan is charged with one count of assault and battery with serious bodily injury in connection with the Sunday morning death in Stoneham, Massachusetts of the family’s 70-year-old father, Daniel.

- The Jets coaches and players applaud Mark Sanchez. "After [Sunday], I think he's potty-trained now," right tackle Damien Woody said of the rookie quarterback.

- WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Again, from Russia. . .


SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "I wear my garment so it shows. Now you know."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! FOOTBALL, CHOOCH IS RICH, A BIG ASS CAKE. And a song.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Peton Manning and the Colts are headed to Super Bowl 44 in Miami. There they will meet the New Orleans Saints, who barely edged the Vikings in OT last night. The Jets and the Vikings go home losers. In the aftermath, Brett Favre's legacy has been called into question. Also, some Vikings fans (as losing fans always do) feel they got robbed. Here's the thing: You can't be robbed if you fumble the ball 6 times in 4 quarters of football. Also, your coach completely screwed you on the last drive. I agree that there were some shady calls, but truth is you never should have let it come down to that. You can't recover a muffed punt in the red zone and fail to score. That's not championship football.

The Phillies reward starting catcher Carlos Ruiz with a 3 year, $9 million extension. That puts an end to all players eligible for arbirtation. We got Big Joe, Victorino and Chooch all locked down for the forseeable future. Good news, right? Maybe not for fan favorite Jayson Werth.


Jimmie Rollins got married. And they ate a huge friggin' cake. That's 6 feet of sugar, ladies.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Russian computer hackers cause a traffic jam by streaming hard core porn on a Moscow billboard.

SONG LYRICS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "I put a dollar in my pocket and I threw it away, been a long time since a federal dime made a jukebox sound like a mirror in my mind."

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like POOP PRANK or SEX POSITION: Today's product is The Jiffy Steamer!

SONG FOR THE DAY:

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND BLITZ

It all comes down to this: Four teams battling for the right to represent their conference at Super Bowl 44 in Miami. They will beat each other senseless in pursuit of the season's biggest game, of the league's crowning achievement. For some players, legacy is on the line. And for some teams, today's game offers them an opportunity to erase endless years of failure and humiliation. As Bill Simmons writes: "The Saints have never played in the Super Bowl. The Vikings have never won a Super Bowl, but have lost four of them. The Jets won Super Bowl III and haven't been back since. . .Throw in a New York market, the post-Katrina Saints, and two of the three biggest stars in football (Peyton Manning and Brett Favre), and if your deciding categories were "suffering," "tortured fan bases," "mainstream interest" and "historical significance," you couldn't pick a more fascinating final four." So yeah, there's a lot stake in today's matchups.

Intriguing as that all is, at day's end two teams will go home losers. We can write all we want about the importance of these games, and we can get ourselves in a frenzy of hysteric fandom - creating fight songs, etc - but there are no consolation prizes. You lose, you go home. There will be no next week. Just a quiet locker room and an awkard, abrupt ending to another season that could have been great.

As an Eagles fan, I know this all too well. I have been the guy who follows the sportswriters religiously in the weeks leading up to the NFC Championship game. I have been the fool who actually believes this year will be the year that Andy and Donovan prove their legitimacy - that we will WIN the game, and that the long suffering eagles fans will have another shot at the beguiling Lombardi trophy. And the result? More heartache, more longing. Nelson Algren once wrote of his beloved city: Loving Chicago is like loving a women with a broken nose. I think that's a perfect way to describe being an Eagles fan. Or a Vikings fan. Or a Jets fan. Or a Saints fan. Fans like us love teams despite their flaws. We see the subtle beauty in an otherwise homely appearance. We keep coming back to a relationship that consistently fails us, expect this time will be different. Well, that's plain insanity. But who said you need to be sane to be a fan?

I do not mean to discredit the Eagles' success over the past decade. We have been a consistent contender. Not many other teams have had 5 appearances in the conference title game over an 8 year span. But therein lies the problem: We've been to 5 title games in 8 years, and we only have 1 super bowl appearance to show for it. And we lost.

So what does that mean? It means that the NFL gods don't particularly care about your brand of long suffering fandom - whether that means getting consistently blue-balled in big games (Eagles, Vikings), or having just an atrocious team history of the past couple decades (Saints, Jets). You can work yourself into full-on apoplectic shock over these games, and at the end of the day the clock will run out and your team will either kneel in victory or stare on in disbelief. And if they lose, what will you have to show for it? A stupid jersey you want to burn and a stomach full of pork products, peanuts and (probably) beer.

Here's what years of being let down has taught me: Don't expect miracles, great players play great in big games, you can't win if you can't run the football, and defense makes all the difference.

With that in mind, here are your realistic picks for Championship Sunday...

COLTS 28 - JETS 6

The jets are a great Cinderella story, but they are going to get beat down today. I love Rex Ryan, and I love Darelle Reevis, but the fact of the matter is that they simply won't be able to keep up with Indy's offense. The Jets are an old-school team with a great running game and a first-rate defense. They are a pain in the ass team to beat because they will punch you in the mouth and keep punching until your jaw is hanging on by a single piece of cartilage. But, and this is a big BUT, Mark Sanchez is not an elite passer. In fact, some say he's worse than Jamarcus Russel. I know I just said you have to be able to run the football to win - and that's true because you have to be able to control the clock - but you also have to be able to get quick strike TDs when you play against a team like Indy. Because with Peyton Manning behind center, the Colts will score. Whether he's throwing to Dallas Clark or Reggie Wayne or some unheard of fullback from the practice squad, he will find the one guy who can get the ball into the end zone against your defense. Peyton Manning is Rain Man when it comes dissecting defenses. I don't care if you're the '85 Bears. Peyton Manning will go to the sideline, flip through his chart, discover a disparity between the backup TE and the weakside linebacker, and will exploit it ALL DAY LONG, and unless you can respond with some scores of your own, you will lose. Badly. And that is what will happen today. JETS fans, I love you and I sympathize with you, but you just have the offense to compete with Peyton Manning and gang. Also, your pro shop totally jinxed you!

VIKINGS 34 - SAINTS 27

I know, I know. New Orleans is the home team. They have their savior in Drew Brees. They have a young, no nonsense, maverick of a coach in Sean Payton (what's up Marple Newtown Junior Bengals!). And they have the ultimate X-FACTOR in Reggie Bush.

Well, all that's fine and dandy. But think about this. The New Orleans defense ranks 21st in the NFL against the run and 26th against the pass. Sure, Darren Sharper has had a career year down there, but he's only dude. Who's gonna cover AP in the flat? Scott Fujita? I don't think so. The Minnesota offense has too many weapons for the New Orleans defense to stop. Oh, and the running game. . .

New Orleans game plan is simple: Score quickly, run up the points and force the opposing team to abandon their game just to keep up. Problem is, the Vikings can score quickly, too. And they have a two-headed running beast named Adrian Taylor that can easily control tempo and wear down a defense. Plus, Brad Childress is a stubborn prick. He will not let you force him to abandon his game plan. Unles Brett Favre has a complete and total meltdown and throws 3 picks in the first half, the Vikings are headed to the Super Bowl. Expect Visanthe Shiancoe to have HUGE game.

Drew Brees is an excellent passer with great field vision and a corps of talented receivers who have the ability to make him look even better than he is through their extreme feats of individual effort. But, as Tony Romo gave evidence last week, you can't throw with a D Lineman sitting on your face. Sorry, Saints fans, I just don't think it's your year.

One note, though: The Vikings defense is not so great on the road. See for yourself here. Compelling as that may be, the Saints will lose today.

INTERESTING FACT NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT: Domes. The NFC is becoming the dome league. Of the 6 NFC playoff teams, 4 of them are dome teams: Saints, Vikings, Cards, Cowboys. The other 2 teams, Philly and Green Bay, both lost in the first round. Is this an insignificant observation? Maybe. The Rams play in a dome and they suck. But it's "interesting" to think about, especially when your team is out of the race and your only solace is conspiracy theorizing.

Enjoy the games.

RAM JAM! Less Sports, More Sunday-ness.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Michael Vick has been named in a steroid case. Read the official interview transcript online at The Smoking Gun. Perhaps Mike will explain further on his BET documentary series, The Michael Vick Project. Unfortunately for the BET, The Vick project debuts against the opener for the final season of LOST.

Villanova hoops improves to 18-1 with victory over St. Johns. Is Scottie Reynolds worthy of Big East Player of the Year?

Elton Brand scores 23 points and the Sixers earn their 2nd straight victory, this time against the Pacers. Of course the Sixers almost blew a 13 point lead in the 4th quarter, but they were able to hold out for the win. And Elton Brand even got some props from coach Eddie Jordan.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Foreigners are whacky and unpredictable.

Prince William allows a 15 year-old Australian schoolgirl to give to give him a peck on his handsome cheek. How cheeky! The girl, Victoria Downie, is - and this is not a joke - a PART TIME MODEL!

which brings us to. . .

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "In the buff, being rude, doing stuff with the food, getting lewd with his food, we heard that's what you are into!"

PAY HUMANS TO KEEP YOUR BED WARM AT HOLIDAY INN (see pic at top of posting): Holiday Inn launches "human bed warming service", which, to me, sounds horrible. Imagine, "Oh, I am so lonely and cold in my hotel room. I miss my family so much. I know, why don't I call the front desk and have them send up a fat maid in a robe so she can lay in my bed until I fall asleep! Then she can steal shit from me and let her sick, hotel worker friends into my room so they can violate my person and wipe their butts with my toothbrush!" Stupid, stupid, stupid Holiday Inn.

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like a POOP PRANK or SEX POSITION:

Chitterlings. Educate yourself, fool.

SLEEPTALKER QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Shhhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. I'm telling you: your voice, my ears. A bad combination."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! Saturday Edition: I WILL BRING THE FIGHT TO YOU!

The Phillies add 38 year-old Jose Contreras to their pitching staff. The righty was 6-13 with a 4.92 ERA in 28 games last season, 23 of which were starts. In seven seasons in the majors, he is 71-63 with a 4.61 ERA. In 2005 Contreras pitched at the top of the rotation for the world champion Chicago White Sox. In 2006 he set a White Sox team record with 16 consecutive wins. Where does he fit with the Phils? Fifth starter? Bullpen? Ruben Amaro says he likes Jose's versatility, which means they don't know what they will do with him. Ultimately, you have to think it's positive any time you add a dude with a championship pedigree to your club. Welcome to Philly, El Duque.

Will Jayson Werth be a Phillie after 2010? Dude was an all star last year. Look at his numbers: 36 homers, 99 RBIs, .879 on-base/slugging. Plus he's a fan favorite and has some seriously kick ass facial hair. Better lock him down, Phils.

Michael Vick to star in documentary series on BET. Not sure what to make of this. Check out the promo:

FAN FAIL: Minnesota fans unintentionally disgrace the Vikings...

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Because foreigners are whacky and unpredictable.

This is from England. Dude scales building and leaps on the roof of a double decker bus.

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "Oh why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die?

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like a POO PRANK of SEXUAL POSITION:

Today's product is the TweetDeck. On the official website, TweetDeck is described as "your personal browser for staying in touch with what's happening now, connecting you with your contacts across Twitter, Facebook and more." Is it me or does a TweetDeck sound like a 2010 version of upper decking.

PERSONAL ANECDOTE THAT YOU DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT: I feel there's something wrong with me because about 5 times a day I lapse into a daydream where I'm giving a speech to a room packed full of family, friends and celebrities/athletes. Usually the scenarios involve me winning a very prestigious award, like an ESPY. Sometimes, though, I'm giving a eulogy or announcing something catastrophic like an asteroid is on course to blow the planet to smitherines. Two things remain consistent: I am wearing a Ralph Lauren peak lapel tuxedo, and I always use the word "superfluous". My imagined speeches cause me significant problems because I often lapse into them when I'm doing chores for my wife, who gets pissed because she then has to repeat her instructions (WHY ARENT YOU WIPING THE WINDOWS! I SAID WIPE THE WINDOWS!). Or I'm at work when someone is telling me something important. As a matter of fact, the more important the information I'm receiving, the more likely I am to dissassociate into one of my completely public addresses. For instance, wife says, "Hey Mike, I'm going into labor right now" and inside my head I hear myself saying, "I am humbled by your genorsity and kindness, and I want you to know that I don't regard this award as some superfluous achievement". Then I'm interrupted by loud shouting and I get defensive.

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM - The Answer, Victorino, Wife Interview. And a song.

I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Despite a career-low scoring average of 14.4 points per game, a forgettable three-game stint with the Grizzlies, and a brief retirement, Allen Iverson will start for the Eastern Conference in next month's All-Star Game in Dallas. Guess what? I'm happy as hell for him. Who cares about merit over one year. I agree with Larry Brown - sometimes you vote a player in as a reward for his body of work over a career. Plus, I'm a homer. I love AI and always will. Say what you will, but he had me at hello. Remember this?. . .




The Phillies have locked up Shane Victorino through 2012. According to Todd Zolecki of MLB.com, the Flyin Hawaiian agreed to a three-year contract extension worth $22 million. The extension marks the second deal in 2 days, as yesterday Big Joe Blanton agreed to a three-year contract worth $24million. Now let's just hope we can get Ruiz on the dotted line. 2010 is gonna be a good year. Thrice to Series and nothing less will be acceptable.

Big Baby Glen Davis got charged $25,000 for telling a fan to "Suck my dick!" You can see the incident in the video below. Stay classy, Massholes!



Wade Phillips will be coaching again in Big D next year. This isn't really news, but I just wanted a chance to say that despite the Cowboys beating the Eagles twice this year, I don't believe Dallas will EVER win a championship with the Wade/Romo combo running things. They better pray Jason Garret doesn't leave, because then they would be really screwed.

The guys at The700Level have nice piece on Philly's QB situation and teams who could benefit from our "burden of riches", i.e. having three QBs and only one starting spot.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OD THE DAY: Because foreigners are whacky and unpredictable. David Beckham gets groped by some strange Italian lady:

EXCLUSIVE RAM JAM INTERVIEW: A chance for my many thousands (or ZERO) RAM JAM fans to have a voice on PhilthyPride.

Today's interview is with my wife. Before we were married, she was like a woman without a country. Having grown up in Minnesota and Colorado, she lacked true devotion to any one sports team. So naturally I brainwashed her into becoming a Philly fan. Today, she does a mean E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES chant! And she wants to make out with Chase Utley, but whatever.

1.) Who will win the AFC Championship Game: (looking up teams competing) COLTS, cause Peyton Manning is the MAN!

2.) Who will win NFC Championship Game: (looking up teams competing) VIKINGS! Cause Favre has sumptin' to prove!

3.) So who do you lik better, Favre or Manning? I can't pick, Manning is more level headed and all american and Favre is a wildman that can pull miracles out of thin air! (Wife LOVES exclamation points)

4.) Question: So, who would you rather go on a date with? Manning, Favre cries a lot.

5.) Would you kiss on the first date? Sure! (Gross)

6.) Who would win a fight in a dark parking lot after drinking ten beers each, Favre or Manning?

Favre, because he's got better facial hair and that always means you win bar fights.

7.) Should McNabb play in the Pro Bowl? No, he will let everyone down like he did against Dallas. (OUCH).

8.) What is your favorite sports show or movie? FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (TV SHOW)!!!

9.) Chicago deep dish pizza VS. Philly Cheesesteak? Cheesesteak!!

10.) Do you read my blog? I will today!!

So basically my wife wants to make out with Peyton Manning even though she thinks Favre would beat his ass in a fight. But she's down with the Cheesesteak, so it's all good.

YOUR SONG FOR THE DAY:

Phillie Give Blanton 3 Year, $24Million Contract

Everybody's favorite fat guy is a Phillie for three more years. The Phils are pretty psyched about this, but Buster Olney is here to rain on everyone's parade. I love Big Joe, but you gotta admit Halladay, Lee, Hamels would have been pretty damn impressive. But nothing we can do about it, so let's toast Joe and wish him many more nights like this:

RAM JAM! Stuff you want to know. And a song.

I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Racist basketball league to allow whites only. Here are the rules: "Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league." Thought you might want to start your day off by vomiting a little in your mouth. Read more here.

GQ takes a deeper look at the Marvin Harrison shooting case. The article, by Jason Fagone, is illuminating, if not disturbing. Should be of particular interest to all Philly residents out there.

Donovan McNabb is going to the Pro Bowl, but, as he says in his blog, he'd rather be going to the Super Bowl. He also says some stuff about his future. Interpret however you'd like.

Jim Salisbury breaks down the Phillies position-by-position, this week focusing on Catchers. God save the Chooch!

Deadspin points out the Shake Weight workout is similar to a favorite pastime of teenage boys. You make the call:

Brad Lidge talks about his struggles last season, his two surgeries, and his hopes for the coming season. Paul Hagen of Philly Daily News reports.

RETRO NEWS: Jonathan Burling, Haverford School grad and the pride and joy of Echo Valley, was named to Philly's all-decade team as Punter. Way to go, Buddy Burls. Bust some heads.

Marijuana is more than a gateway drug for Tim Lincecum, the Giants 2 time Cy Young winner. It's also a gate closer. Rumor is Lincecum's recent bust could cost him millions in salary negotiations. Could Big Joe Blanton make more than Lincecum next year? Doubtful, but it would make a good case for youngsters to eat lots of cookies.

And now for your song. This one's for Lincecum:

John Daly on Tiger Woods (Sports Soup)

John Daly tries his hand at TV. Takes some shots at Tiger and Stephen A. Smith. And of course, Daly is dressed to impress. His jacket "not only says I'm a winner, but holds you down and screams it in your face."

Good Morning. Here's Everything You Need to Know. And a Song.

The Phillies hope to sign Shane Victorio to a multiyear deal, and they exchange potential salaries with Big Joe and Chooch. Lock 'em up.

Will Michael Vick start at QB for the Rams next season? Some think so. Read here.

Phillies give a tryout to Eric Gagne? Remember when he was awesome? Yeah, he was juicing. Now he's just another fat guy in glasses. I'd rather have Kenny Powers in red pinstripes.

Les Bowen of the Daily News calls Howard Eskin a liar and makes a case for B West returning to the NFL.

Eagles sign Martell Mallet, a rookie sensation from. . .the Canadian Football League. Mallett, 23, rushed for 1,280 yards and six touchdowns on 214 carries, an average of 5.8 yards per carry. He also caught 43 passes for 342 yards and two touchdowns, made the league's all-star team and was named its top rookie. Is he the answer for 4th and 1? Doubt it.

Venus Williams moons fans at Australian Open. Why couldn't it have been Anna K?

And now, a good song to start the day with:

Football Games Only Have 11 Minutes of Action

...or says the Wall Street Journal. Read the article here. Pretty good analysis. So if that's true, why do we still watch football? Because the 11 minutes of action are better than anything else out there. 22 guys beat the ever-loving-crap out of each other for 5 seconds a pop, take a break, and the beat each other's heads in again. And with instant replay, we get to see all these beat downs take place in slow motion. Oh, and of course, there are moments like this, too. . .


Every other sport can eat its heart out. I love baseball and basketball, too, but the truth is, football athletes are biggest, strongest, fastest dudes on the planet. Where else will you find a guy 6'5" tall who weighs 300lbs and moves like this:

Charile Manuel Loses 56 Pounds with Nutrisystem

Check him out. I guess he was tired of hearing the ladies scream for Utley. Find out how he lost all the weight in this article from NBC Philadelphia.


Maybe Big Red should get on this plan. When asked about it, he said: We need to do a better job and put our players in a better position to win. Wait, what?

C'mon Andy. You got a big new contract. Invest in some Nutrisystem.

Keith Brooking is a Giant Baby

Did anyone else Keith Brooking run over to the Minnesota sideline and start screaming after the Vikes scored their final touchdown? I thought that was pretty ridiculous. If you don't want them to score, stop them. Don't cry about it. But the worst part came after the game: Brooking had the balls to say the Vikings were "classless". I almost vomited when I heard that. Does Brooking forget what jersey he wears? Is he unaware that he represents the least classy football team in the history of the NFL? A team where they celebrate making tackles like they just scored a TD, even though there losing by three scores? A team that plays in a stadium/night club where people regularly bone in the stalls and security guards beat visiting fans in the face? A team which retired the jersey of a guy who stabbed his teammate in the neck with a pair of scissors? Boy will be boys, right? Wrong. The Cowboys are just assholes.

But here's the real question: What would the Cowboys have done in that situation? I guarantee you that faced with the same situation, Jerry Jones would have phoned down to Jason Garret and told him to run up the score, run up the score, run up the score. What better way for a team riddled by playoff embarassments to make a statement and WE ARE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! LOOK AT HOW MANY POINTS WE PUT ON THE BOARD! But, yesterday was not Jerry's day. Nor Wade, nor Tony, nor Demarcus. Nor Keih Brooking. It was the Vikings day. So shut your loser mouth and go back to Jerry world where you belong.

Brett Favre Sings American Idol Song, Slaps Dude on Ass

Brett Favre loves to smack dudes on the butt really hard. It's one of the reasons Joe Buck always says: Brett Favre has so much FUN out there! Brett also likes that catchy "Pants on The Ground" tune from American Idol. He likes it so much that - after destroying the Cowboys in the divisional round of the NFL playoffs - Brett gathered his team in the locker room to huddle up and sing PANTS ON THE GROUND! He also smacks Jared Allen on the ass. So much fun.