RAM JAM! Less Sports, More Sunday-ness.

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Michael Vick has been named in a steroid case. Read the official interview transcript online at The Smoking Gun. Perhaps Mike will explain further on his BET documentary series, The Michael Vick Project. Unfortunately for the BET, The Vick project debuts against the opener for the final season of LOST.

Villanova hoops improves to 18-1 with victory over St. Johns. Is Scottie Reynolds worthy of Big East Player of the Year?

Elton Brand scores 23 points and the Sixers earn their 2nd straight victory, this time against the Pacers. Of course the Sixers almost blew a 13 point lead in the 4th quarter, but they were able to hold out for the win. And Elton Brand even got some props from coach Eddie Jordan.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Foreigners are whacky and unpredictable.

Prince William allows a 15 year-old Australian schoolgirl to give to give him a peck on his handsome cheek. How cheeky! The girl, Victoria Downie, is - and this is not a joke - a PART TIME MODEL!

which brings us to. . .

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "In the buff, being rude, doing stuff with the food, getting lewd with his food, we heard that's what you are into!"

PAY HUMANS TO KEEP YOUR BED WARM AT HOLIDAY INN (see pic at top of posting): Holiday Inn launches "human bed warming service", which, to me, sounds horrible. Imagine, "Oh, I am so lonely and cold in my hotel room. I miss my family so much. I know, why don't I call the front desk and have them send up a fat maid in a robe so she can lay in my bed until I fall asleep! Then she can steal shit from me and let her sick, hotel worker friends into my room so they can violate my person and wipe their butts with my toothbrush!" Stupid, stupid, stupid Holiday Inn.

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like a POOP PRANK or SEX POSITION:

Chitterlings. Educate yourself, fool.

SLEEPTALKER QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Shhhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. I'm telling you: your voice, my ears. A bad combination."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

Good Morning. Here's Everything You Need to Know. And a Song.

The Phillies hope to sign Shane Victorio to a multiyear deal, and they exchange potential salaries with Big Joe and Chooch. Lock 'em up.

Will Michael Vick start at QB for the Rams next season? Some think so. Read here.

Phillies give a tryout to Eric Gagne? Remember when he was awesome? Yeah, he was juicing. Now he's just another fat guy in glasses. I'd rather have Kenny Powers in red pinstripes.

Les Bowen of the Daily News calls Howard Eskin a liar and makes a case for B West returning to the NFL.

Eagles sign Martell Mallet, a rookie sensation from. . .the Canadian Football League. Mallett, 23, rushed for 1,280 yards and six touchdowns on 214 carries, an average of 5.8 yards per carry. He also caught 43 passes for 342 yards and two touchdowns, made the league's all-star team and was named its top rookie. Is he the answer for 4th and 1? Doubt it.

Venus Williams moons fans at Australian Open. Why couldn't it have been Anna K?

And now, a good song to start the day with:

Phillies Postseason Rotation: Hamels is the Ace

Phillies Postseason Rotation: Much has been written about the Phillies postseason pitching rotation. Everyone seems to have an opinion on who should pitch where (and when), so I thought I'd weigh in as well.

First, let it be known that the Phillies have one of the best starting pitching staffs of any team poised to make a run in October. They don't have the best rotation - that belongs to Boston - but they're damn close. A recent ESPN poll asked a collection of MLB scouts and execs to rank potential pitching staffs, and the Phillies came in 3rd behind Boston and St. Louis. I can accept being behind Boston because of the depth they have a pitching, but I call BS on St. Louis being ranked second. Yes Wainwright and Carpenter are both viable Cy Young contenders, but after that there's a significant drop off in the 3 and 4 slots. I understand the argument that you can win by running your top 2 out there as often as possible (witness Phillies post-season run 2008), but I don't think that's going to get it done this year.

The playoff teams in the NL have bigger bats this year, better lineups. On any night the Phils, Dodgers and Cards can put up anywhere from 5 -10 runs, no matter who's pitching. Just listen to the names of guys who will likely be stepping up to the plate in a couple weeks: Howard, Pujols, Manny, Holliday, Ethier, Kent, Utley, etc. These are big name players who like the playing in the spotlight. They aren't gonna let anyone - Cy Young credentials or not - intimidate them. So no, this fall won't be like the past two - no team is going to run in and sweep/semi sweep its way to the World Series. The lineups are too good, and the pitching is too good. These will be long series, and in long series you need depth. And, as crazy as it might sound, the Phillies have depth.

Pitching depth was a question mark for the Phils at the beginning of the season, but they answered those questions with Cliff Lee and Pedro. Whereas as most teams are trying to scrap together their number 4 starter, the Phils suffer a burden of riches. They have too many arms and can't decide who deserves a shot at October glory. Between Lee, Hamels, Blanton, Happ and Pedro, the Phillies have five quality arms that can go out and shut down any team in baseball. So what would you do?

Here's the rotation I would run with: Hamels, Lee, Blanton, Martinez.

The reasoning:

#1: Hamels is my ace in October for three reasons: 1.) He's got ice in his veins when it comes to big games (proven last year). 2.) He doesn't like pitching on short rest, so send him out first and let him recover in case you need him again. 3.) He's finally at full strength again, and his numbers this month are great. He's 3-1 with a 2.45 ERA and 35 K's. The changeup is looking lethal.

#2: Lee is the number 2. Most people would argue he's the ace and should get the game 1 start, but I think differently for 2 reasons: 1.) He's never pitched in the playoffs. 2.) He's been shaky lately - he's given up 5 or more runs in 4 of his last 6 starts (the other two games he gave up 1 run and struck out 11). So whereas Hamels is getting increasingly more consistent, Lee is teetering. But he's still the guy who showed up and went 5-0 with a 0.68 ERA. I think he thrives on the big stage as well, but still I go with Hamels for game 1.

#3: Blanton has been quietly impressive all season long (11-7, 3.82 ERA, 156 K's). And he's right handed. I like the Lefty, Lefty, Righty approach. Here's something to consider about Big Joe: He's rattled off 13 quality starts in his last 14 outings. Talk about consistency. All he needs is some run support, and, as mentioned above, the phils should be able to capitalize on any other team's weak #3 pitcher. This could be a win for the Phils in every series.

#4: Pedro Martinez. The old goat. The man who loves the big stage more than anyone on this team. The man with the amazing postseason credentials (6-2, 3.40 ERA, 80 K's). Three time Cy Young award winner. World Series champion. Smart competitor with balls of steel. These are some of the reasons I start Pedro over Happ. But not all of them. . .

Happ for Closer? How about, given the problems the back end of the bullpen has had, we move J.A. HAPP to the Closer role? Happ has been brilliant this season and could very well win the Rookie Of The Year award, but I want him coming out of the bullpen this fall. Pedro is a good option for this as well, but Pedro is old and could have serious trouble pitching on back to back nights. Plus, Pedro has trouble in the first inning and takes some time to settle down. You can't have that in a closer. You might bring up lack of experience as something working against Happ, but from what I've seen, the kid has brass balls and doesn't get rattled too easily. And there is precedent for this type of move: Adam Wainwright, now Cy Young contender, was moved into the closer role in place of Jason Isringhausen for the Cards' 2006 World Series championship run. There are differences (Wainwright had spent the year as a middle reliever) but point is you can make a young stud your closer and still win the ring.

Only time will tell what Charlie has up his sleeve. Needless to say, I can't wait to see.

Saturday Snapshots: The Big Piece, The Red Zone, and The Greatest Freakout Ever

This time last year Brad Lidge was perfect, converting 32 straight save opportunities. And Cole Hamels was 11 - 8. But how was the team doing? On this date last year, the Phils had lost three straight (one to the Mets and two the sCrUBs) and were 2 games behind the Mets in the NL East. Relive the misery here. This year we're 22 games over .500 with an 8 game lead over Florida and Atlanta, who are tied for second. We're only a 1/2 game back of the Dodgers for the best record in the National League. So people can worry about Lidge and Hamels all they want, but the reality is we have a nasty team and there's an entire month of regular season ball left. They'll get themselves right for October. So quit whining. Go to dollar dog night and enjoy yourself.

Speaking of Lidge. . .The Phils struggling closer showed up to the park last night sporting a sweet new haircut, which he thinks will inspire him to pitch better. Looks like the buzzcut helped, too, as Lidge pitched a perfect ninth inning, earning his 26th save in the Phils 4-2 victory over Atlanta.

Maybe Raul Ibanez needs a haircut, too. Ibanez has just 9 hits in his last 61 at-bats and only 1 HR in his last 96 at-bats. This is a guy who started off the season by hitting 20 HRs in 56 games - the fastest a Philadelphia player has ever reached the 20HR mark.

Ryan Howard is "The Big Piece". I hadn't heard this, but I think it's kind of funny. Read the Jim Salisbury article online at Philly.com. And indeed Howard is doing all he can to keep this team atop the NL East. He's batting .339 with 11 HRs and 29 RBIs in his last 15 games.

The Eagles preseason victory over the Jags was misleading at best, as both the offense and the defense failed to fire on all cylinders. Of course the big story was Michael Vick, but to focus on his performance - completed 4 of 4 passes for a total of 19 yards - would be a waste of time. Yeah, he played and everyone including myself was excited to see what he could do, but his presence wasn't enough to right the O's miscues, fumbleities and overall flacid red-zone performance.

The Red Zone was a huge problem for the Eagles last year, and Thursday's game against the Jags didn't indicate things would get better any time soon. In their first three red zone possessions, the starters went FG, fumble (recovered for TD), and FG. That just flat out sucks. All last year we had to suffer and watch the Eagles lose close games that they should have won if they could just score actual TDs inside the 20 yard line. Anyone remember the Bears game last year? If not, refresh your memory. I was there, and I never want to witness anything so limp-dicked again. In 2008, the Eagles went 9 - 6 -1, and in those 6 losses they only lost one game by more than a TD. If you take out that horrible Ravens game, the Eagles lost, on average, by 5.2 points. Those are games we could've should've won if we had any success in the friggin red zone. I love David Akers, but if I have to watch him kick field goals from the 12 yard line all season, I'm gonna cut my eyeballs out.

Todd Herremanns, who could be a huge help moving the line in the red zone, had to undergo foot surgery yesterday. I really hope he gets healthy soon and that the O-Line will actually play together as a complete unit before, hmm, week 6?!? Is that too much to ask?

Amid all that, McNabb looked pretty sharp for the most part. His numbers are impressive for three quarters of play - 21/36, 244 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.

Did I mention the Eagles suck in the red zone? Let me reiterate how badly they suck in the red zone. I don't want anyone to read this any walk away without fully comprehending how much of a problem the red zone is for the eagles. As reported in The Morning Call: The Eagles ranked 22nd in the league inside the 20 last season. And so far this preseason, they went 3 of 8 against the Jags, 0 for 2 against Indy, and 2 for 5 against New England. To sum it up, the Eagles need an answer for the Red Zone. Is the answer Mike Vick? Maybe. Is it Brent Celek or LeSean McCoy? I hope so. Is it Tony Curtis? Definitely not.

In other news. . .

I found a great site called Lamebook that you should all check out. Basically it just highlights all the idiots on facebook. Try and find the post for "Fun Day", but, be warned, it's only for the brave of heart.

And last but not least, check out Deadspin's NFL preview of the Packers. If you can't laugh at this there's something wrong with you.

Oh and here's a video you will enjoy:

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SWEEP - Blanton Beats 'Backs then Gets Licked by Girl

Big Joe pitched 8 innings, striking out 4 batters and surrendering only 3 earned runs in the Phillies' dismantling of the D-Backs last night. Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth and Carlos Ruiz each hit home runs, and the Phillies capped off their 3 game SWEEP of Arizona with a brutal 12 - 3 beatdown at Citizens Bank Park. For the series, the Phils outscored the D-Backs 25-5. Thanks for playing, Arizona. Now crawl back to the barren wasteland from whence you came.


Big Joe was glad to have some run support (read good article here). After the game, Big Joe celebrated by letting female fans lick his face:



Next up, the Phils take on the Mets in NY. The series begins with the Kid Cole (7-7) taking on Mike Pelfrey (8-8). The last Hamels / Pelfrey matchup was a 5-4 extra inning victory for the Phillies. Pelfrey actually outpitched Hamels in that game, but he ended up earning a no-decision as the Mets bullpen characteristically imploded and surrendered the lead.

Other notable moment from that game: Chase Utley, who hit two HRs in the 11 inning come-from-behind win, skillfully pissed off Pelfrey by calling timeout during an at bat. When question about the incident, Pelfrey said: "I was ready to make a pitch and he called timeout. I got upset and told him to get in the box. I don’t even know the guy. I was just trying to compete and execute a pitch. I got caught up in the moment. I probably shouldn’t have said anything." Poor baby. I hope Chase hits another 2 tonight.

My prediction: Phillies tear it up and get their second straight sweep.