Phillie Give Blanton 3 Year, $24Million Contract

Everybody's favorite fat guy is a Phillie for three more years. The Phils are pretty psyched about this, but Buster Olney is here to rain on everyone's parade. I love Big Joe, but you gotta admit Halladay, Lee, Hamels would have been pretty damn impressive. But nothing we can do about it, so let's toast Joe and wish him many more nights like this:

RAM JAM! Stuff you want to know. And a song.

I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Racist basketball league to allow whites only. Here are the rules: "Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league." Thought you might want to start your day off by vomiting a little in your mouth. Read more here.

GQ takes a deeper look at the Marvin Harrison shooting case. The article, by Jason Fagone, is illuminating, if not disturbing. Should be of particular interest to all Philly residents out there.

Donovan McNabb is going to the Pro Bowl, but, as he says in his blog, he'd rather be going to the Super Bowl. He also says some stuff about his future. Interpret however you'd like.

Jim Salisbury breaks down the Phillies position-by-position, this week focusing on Catchers. God save the Chooch!

Deadspin points out the Shake Weight workout is similar to a favorite pastime of teenage boys. You make the call:

Brad Lidge talks about his struggles last season, his two surgeries, and his hopes for the coming season. Paul Hagen of Philly Daily News reports.

RETRO NEWS: Jonathan Burling, Haverford School grad and the pride and joy of Echo Valley, was named to Philly's all-decade team as Punter. Way to go, Buddy Burls. Bust some heads.

Marijuana is more than a gateway drug for Tim Lincecum, the Giants 2 time Cy Young winner. It's also a gate closer. Rumor is Lincecum's recent bust could cost him millions in salary negotiations. Could Big Joe Blanton make more than Lincecum next year? Doubtful, but it would make a good case for youngsters to eat lots of cookies.

And now for your song. This one's for Lincecum:

John Daly on Tiger Woods (Sports Soup)

John Daly tries his hand at TV. Takes some shots at Tiger and Stephen A. Smith. And of course, Daly is dressed to impress. His jacket "not only says I'm a winner, but holds you down and screams it in your face."

Good Morning. Here's Everything You Need to Know. And a Song.

The Phillies hope to sign Shane Victorio to a multiyear deal, and they exchange potential salaries with Big Joe and Chooch. Lock 'em up.

Will Michael Vick start at QB for the Rams next season? Some think so. Read here.

Phillies give a tryout to Eric Gagne? Remember when he was awesome? Yeah, he was juicing. Now he's just another fat guy in glasses. I'd rather have Kenny Powers in red pinstripes.

Les Bowen of the Daily News calls Howard Eskin a liar and makes a case for B West returning to the NFL.

Eagles sign Martell Mallet, a rookie sensation from. . .the Canadian Football League. Mallett, 23, rushed for 1,280 yards and six touchdowns on 214 carries, an average of 5.8 yards per carry. He also caught 43 passes for 342 yards and two touchdowns, made the league's all-star team and was named its top rookie. Is he the answer for 4th and 1? Doubt it.

Venus Williams moons fans at Australian Open. Why couldn't it have been Anna K?

And now, a good song to start the day with:

Football Games Only Have 11 Minutes of Action

...or says the Wall Street Journal. Read the article here. Pretty good analysis. So if that's true, why do we still watch football? Because the 11 minutes of action are better than anything else out there. 22 guys beat the ever-loving-crap out of each other for 5 seconds a pop, take a break, and the beat each other's heads in again. And with instant replay, we get to see all these beat downs take place in slow motion. Oh, and of course, there are moments like this, too. . .


Every other sport can eat its heart out. I love baseball and basketball, too, but the truth is, football athletes are biggest, strongest, fastest dudes on the planet. Where else will you find a guy 6'5" tall who weighs 300lbs and moves like this:

Charile Manuel Loses 56 Pounds with Nutrisystem

Check him out. I guess he was tired of hearing the ladies scream for Utley. Find out how he lost all the weight in this article from NBC Philadelphia.


Maybe Big Red should get on this plan. When asked about it, he said: We need to do a better job and put our players in a better position to win. Wait, what?

C'mon Andy. You got a big new contract. Invest in some Nutrisystem.

Keith Brooking is a Giant Baby

Did anyone else Keith Brooking run over to the Minnesota sideline and start screaming after the Vikes scored their final touchdown? I thought that was pretty ridiculous. If you don't want them to score, stop them. Don't cry about it. But the worst part came after the game: Brooking had the balls to say the Vikings were "classless". I almost vomited when I heard that. Does Brooking forget what jersey he wears? Is he unaware that he represents the least classy football team in the history of the NFL? A team where they celebrate making tackles like they just scored a TD, even though there losing by three scores? A team that plays in a stadium/night club where people regularly bone in the stalls and security guards beat visiting fans in the face? A team which retired the jersey of a guy who stabbed his teammate in the neck with a pair of scissors? Boy will be boys, right? Wrong. The Cowboys are just assholes.

But here's the real question: What would the Cowboys have done in that situation? I guarantee you that faced with the same situation, Jerry Jones would have phoned down to Jason Garret and told him to run up the score, run up the score, run up the score. What better way for a team riddled by playoff embarassments to make a statement and WE ARE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! LOOK AT HOW MANY POINTS WE PUT ON THE BOARD! But, yesterday was not Jerry's day. Nor Wade, nor Tony, nor Demarcus. Nor Keih Brooking. It was the Vikings day. So shut your loser mouth and go back to Jerry world where you belong.